The weighty woman wobbled across the beach with a skinny fellow straggling closely behind. The woman was wearing nothing more than the most revealing of underwear that exposed too much of a dodgy pair of legs.

The skinny man's eyes widened as he watched the woman's hips swing from side to side.

Behind me, a trio of Caucasion female visitors made their way to the water.

"Any fish today?" a tall, somewhat scary-looking fellow leaning against a tree, asked as the women passed. The women smiled and shook their heads, then headed straight to the water.

Wooden bar

It was a cool afternoon in Treasure Beach, St Elizabeth and the sea was calm. The sun caused the water to glisten like crystal. I was standing at the steps leading to a small, wooden bar set up right on the beach. The writing on the wood indicated that the shop was known as Sister Q's Bar and More.

I was on the prowl for a drink, after spending a long day in the parish and imagined this would have been a good spot. I figured that the sound of the waves crashing to shore would have lulled the stress away. Linton, the farmer, had other plans, however. I walked into the bar and beheld a fine-looking woman with chocolate brown skin. She had a flawless face and intriguing brown eyes. She was standing behind the counter and Linton was seated in front of it.

I ordered a drink and was about to strike up a conversation with the belle, when Linton chimed in.

"So the crabs really short this year. Can't get any crabs. No crabs at all," said he. The woman nodded in response and handed me the drink.

I let a second pass then tried again. "So what's your..." was all I could get out before the fellow interjected again.

"I was looking at the fish and even the fish look wingy this year. Even the fish wingy. Everything mash up this year," he said.

I looked across at the man. His eyes were red and the glass in front of him was still half-full of whatever he was drinking.

I turned back to the woman. "So how long have you..." Again the man cut me off.

"I was in Linstead the other day and not even the river not running like it used to. Not even the river running," said he.

I decided to give it one last try.

"So where do you..." I said.

"Di crime getting outa control. Even the crime outa control," the man spoke up.

It was clear that I would get nowehere with him around, so, quite annoyed, I went outside with my drink. I stood on the beach looking out to sea. There were only about five men loitering near a fishing boat on shore, close to me, gawking at the Caucasian women now prancing around in the water.

"Hey, yuh see dah one deh? Ah mine dat yuh know. She love mi yuh know," said the shortest of the bunch.

The others started laughing. This seemed to anger the short chap quite a lot. "Ah true yuh nuh know! She want mi! Is just cause she have har man ah farin," he said. Unfortunately, this only caused the men around him to laugh even more. "Hee...hee...woi!"

I looked around to see if Linton had by now vacated the bar. He had not, and my drink was quickly depleting.

More comfortable

By then, the men on the beach had embarassed the short chap with their laughing so much, that he went to stand by himself in the shade of an ackee tree, some distance away.

Again I glanced inside the bar. Linton seemed to have been making himself more comfortable. He leaned against the counter and was about to light up a cigarette.

This was going nowhere. Then I looked back on the beach. Oh no. The rotund woman in the ventilated underwear was making her way back in my direction, the skinny man still in hot pursuit. Time for me to leave. I took a final gulp of the drink and walked off. As I was leaving, I could hear Linton inside, still talking.

"No rain in the parish for so long. Not even a little rain," he said.

robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com

Treasure Beach in St Elizabeth.