I love you!
published:
Wednesday | February 8, 2006
EULALEE THOMPSON
LISTEN to love songs, read love poems, Cupid's arrow strikes and then, kaboom! Big boost to mental health and emotional well-being.
All of a sudden, the grass is greener, the sky is bluer and the sun shines brighter. Then the classic line, "I am nothing without you," to which the rational response should be "Darling, if you are nothing without me, then what exactly are you contributing to the relationship?". But who said that love is rational.
But poets, novelists and songwriters have really brilliantly articulated the anguish (maybe bordering on neurosis) of romantic love -- a complex melee of emotions such as joy, jealousy, anger, sexual desire and fear -- however, they are not the only ones trying to explain and understand the expression, "I love you"; psychologists have come up with a few theories of their own.
Take for example, Sternberg's love triangle theory. It describes three main components of 'love' (or interpersonal attraction as psychologists prefer to say) -- passion, intimacy and commitment. Bear in mind though that each individual in the couple may possess the components to different degrees.
Passion describes the drive linked to romance and physical and sexual attraction to one's lover.
Intimacy is the emotional feelings of warmth, closeness and sharing in a relationship; intimacy levels range from superficial to intense.
Commitment is a cognitive process, linked to decisions taken to stick with the relationship.
The individual strength of each component of love and the interaction between the three component determine the type and strength of the couple's love.
1. When passion is the only element in the relationship, that's infatuation (as in an affair or a 'fling') .
2. Romantic love is high on intimacy and passion.
3. When passion is low or absent but intimacy and commitment are present in a relationship, this is affectionate (or companionate) love. You will see this pattern in couples older, long-standing marriages.
4. When passion and commitment are present without intimacy, then the relationship is about fatuous love.
5. Consummate love is the most powerful and complete type of love in a relationship where the two individuals in the couple share, relatively equally, all three components of love.
The two individuals in the couple may also have two different love triangles -- the triangle that characterises the current relationship and another one that describes their ideal relationship. So, if you are wondering how come some couples are so successful, the answer is that both individuals in the couple have very compatible love triangles.
You see, it's all about the love triangles.
What type of love do you have?
The individual strength of each component of love and the interaction between the three components determine the type and strength of the couple's love.
1. When passion is the only element in the relationship, that's infatuation (as in an affair or a 'fling') .
2. Romantic love is high on intimacy and passion.
3. When passion is low or absent but intimacy and commitment are present in a relationship, this is affectionate (or companionate) love. You will see this pattern in couples of older, long-standing marriages.
4. When passion and commitment are present without
intimacy, then the relationship is about fatuous love.
5. Consummate love is the most powerful and complete type of love in a relationship where the two individuals in the couple share, relatively equally, all three components of love.
You can send your comments to eulalee.thompson@gleanerjm.com.
