You never close you eyes any more when I kiss your lips.And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertipsYou're trying hard not to show it baby but I knowYou've lost that loving feeling and now it's gone, gone, gone.

- The Righteous Brothers

Aliciacomplains that her husband has no interest in sex and, after 12 years of marriage, she finds this very disturbing. "I would do all the things that I know should excite a man, from G-strings to scented candles and home-cooked meals, but none of these have worked. I know that my husband is faithful (I had him followed) so it not as a result of another woman, but it's hard to discern what is preventing him from performing in the bedroom. I realise that he has lost the loving feeling and I would do anything to get my husband going again."

Alicia's problem is the problem of several couples who find that they or their partners have no feeling for loving. Alicia is longing for more touch, physical closeness and sex. She is starting to feel frustrated, rejected and lonely. She wonders how is it that the man that she married and loves does not desire her.

Analyse

At this stage it, it is important to do some soul-searching to analyse the situation. Was your partner like that all along? When did you notice the change? Was there any family trauma that could affect sexual desire? The birth of a baby, perhaps! Are there medical conditions? Are you so intent on having sex that you actually start nagging so your partner feels pressured, angry and resentful? Are your levels of sexual interest on the same level? One partner who came to me for counselling found that her partner wanted 'had-core' sex and she would have none of it, so he showed no interest in her traditional sex moves.

Like life, every relationship goes through its highs and lows, its ups and downs. Learn more about keeping the love and fun in your relationship.

Go out on a date

Try to think back to what created the spark in the first instance. Try to recreate the magic and go on a date all dressed up so that your partner will want to make love to you. Do not be shy to hold hands and flirt in public. It should break the ice that you can really talk about the positive feelings you have for each other. This is no occasion for blaming and negative expressions. You will be starting a new slate so leave the preconceived notions behind.

Celebrate your love

Periodically, plan mini-celebrations outside of your anniversary. Recall the first kiss and the first time you made love. Look at pictures you may have taken in earlier years and play those love songs during your period of courting. Set aside a couple hours for each other every day and talk with each other about the day before retiring to bed. It is best to keep the television off as this distracts from the intimacy you want to create.

Dream of romance

Go to bed with romance on your mind. Make a ritual of going to sleep together. Snuggle for a few minutes before kissing and falling asleep. Say a prayer together, or tell each other one reason why you love him or her. Make falling asleep something that brings you closer together and prepare you for early-morning sex.

Try sex in new places

The same old bedroom can be a turn off, so try to create a romantic ambience with scented candles and romantic music. On a weekend, cart the children off to grandma and make the whole house your sexual playground and get flirty all day when you're alone.

Stage a romantic interlude for the one you love. Dim all the lights in the house and create a path of candles and rose petals on furniture and along the floor. Lead them into a room where you have set up any number of romantic settings - a candlelit dinner, a bed of roses, or a sensuous bubble bath. Changing around bedroom furniture will also help to add some freshness to the space. Besides the bed, use other pieces of furniture to be intimate - a rocking chair can be quite exciting.

Do random acts of kindness

Surprise your partner with something that will be unexpected but greatly appreciated. Buy a gift for his or her half-birthday, and give half of a cake. Or rekindle the romance by doing something you did while you were dating.

Be consistent

Do not allow the romantic sparks to die or the relationship gets boring and the loving feeling will be lost. You have to ensure that you live the vows you took and constantly reassure your partner that he or she is always important to you.

Couples that have stayed together for years have found the ingredient that helped them stay together and 'enjoy' each other! The key is to make the relationship fun and enjoy each other on a daily basis. Daily happiness as a couple leads to a lifetime of sexual bliss and a perpetual romantic spark.