Dr Jaslin Salmon

This is the final instalment in our series from the book, Parenting - a Child's Perspective, written by Dr Jaslin Salmon.

My Mom and Dad go out sometimes. They used to get a babysitter. But now Lorna stays with me. They like to go to the movies and plays, and to eat. Sometimes they take us with them. But, sometimes they don't. I like when Mom and Dad takes me out alone. That makes me feel special. And, I like to feel special. I don't like to go with everybody all the time.

Mom and Dad had a big fight yesterday. They are still mad. Dad forgot they were going to a play and dinner. Mom bought the tickets. And, she told Dad. But he didn't write it down. So he forgot. Mom said they couldn't get the money back. But, Dad said he had an important appointment. They began to argue. They were talking at the same time. They were getting loud. Mom said she is more important than the appointment.

No, they didn't hit. They only yelled. Dad slammed the door. He said something. But I didn't hear what he said. Dad and Mom argued for a long time. Dad told Mom he would cancel his appointment. He called someone. But, the person wasn't in. Dad left a message.

This is not the first time that Mom and Dad had a big fight. Lorna and I don't understand. Mom and Dad fuss every time we have a fight. They tell us that we should try to get along. They spank us for hitting. But they fight too. And, they don't get in trouble.

Mom and Dad don't fight like me and Lorna. They fight and stay mad. But we fight and make up right away. Lorna said Mom and Dad are unfair. Because they fight but expect us not to. I only hit Lorna because I can't think of what to say. I wish Mom and Dad would see that I learn to fight from them.

Lorna gets mad when Mom and Dad are fighting. But I get scared. I get scared because I am afraid Mom and Dad are going to hit each other. Sometimes we don't know what they are fighting about. When Lorna gets mad, she tells Mom and Dad that we fight so much because we learn it from them. Mom and Dad tell Lorna that children shouldn't fight. Lorna tells them that children don't know better. But adults should. Lorna and I fight just like Mom and Dad. We yell at the same time. And we don't hear each other. When we are finished, we laugh at each other. But Mom and Dad don't. They stay mad.

Guess what? I forgot to tell you that Mom and Dad did go out last night. But before they went out, they had another fight. Mom put on a dress that Dad didn't like. He said Mom should wear another dress. Mom said no. She said she is not a child and she wears what she likes.

Did you hear that? Mom is saying that only adults can choose for themselves and children can't. I can choose for myself because I know what I like. Dad said if Mom wears the dress he wouldn't go. They were both dressed and ready to go. They just sat looking at each other. Mom said she was ready to go and Dad said he was waiting on Mom to change. They were not arguing anymore. They waited for a long time.

Let's go

Then Mom said, "If we don't go now, we will miss the play."

Dad looked at his watch. He looked at Mom. He said, "Let's go." They told us goodbye.

Mom wrote down a telephone number for Lorna. She said Lorna should call only if there is an emergency. She also wrote down where they were going. Dad said they would call to check on us. Mom reminded Lorna that she shouldn't let anyone in.

Dr Jaslin Salmon is a professor of sociology and is also trained in counselling and psychotherapy. He is currently president/CEO of the International Institute for Social, Political and Economic Change in Kingston Jamaica (www.iispec.org) The book can be purchased at Sangster's Book Stores, Kingston Bookshop, amazon.com and Trafford.com/07-1449.

POSITIVE Parenting