The Soloist, Contributor

Mary* was fuming. It was an hour past the time her boyfriend was supposed to pick her up from work in downtown Kingston. She was the only one left there with the security guard and the streets were just not safe anymore. She had called and called and he kept saying "five minutes' time". She was frustrated but she really loved him.

Then her phone rang and he gave her some excuse about his meeting running late and told her to take a cab home. It was not the first time that she had to take a cab, paying with her money when she had a car that was in excellent working order. And to add insult to injury, there would be no refund later.

But the real reason for her anger was that it was her car and she blamed herself for continuing to lend it to him. After being in a relationship with him for over two years, she had given up hoping he'd stop making excuses to get his own car. Hers was new; she bought it just two months after meeting him and he gave her a story about just selling his before they met and looking for another. But each time she put her keys down, he had a reason to "borrow" her car to go somewhere.

Awkward moment

Invariably Mary's boyfriend would return her car on empty and there would be no money for gas either. She was the one making the monthly car-loan payments, paying for gas, servicing, insurance and all other costs. She complained mostly to friends, choosing instead to give him the cold shoulder when he inconvenienced her rather than tell him outright how she felt.

Her friends advised her to simply refuse to lend him the car and hide the keys or force him to pay half the expenses till he gets his own, but she is afraid he will leave her.

But the one that takes the cake is Sheila, the young corporate lawyer, whose parents gave her a RAV4 for graduation and whose boyfriend borrowed it a few times when his was in the shop, only to lend it to his little cupcake on the side. She was in the plaza one lunch time when she spotted her car. She decided to wait for him to return, only to see a woman open her door and get into her seat, and use her keys. Yes, the key ring had her name big and bold on it!

Habitual parasites

What are we to do about such men? I can understand the odd emergency but some of them are habitual parasites who just want to use women as meal tickets. And whatever happened to independent, assertive women? If you are forking out your hard-earned money to pay for your car, don't you have the right to say no to a borrower, no matter how much in love you are? Better yet, why not let him take the bus or cab?

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