I want a baby ... but not the woman

Dear Angela,

I hope my opinion on the article 'I want a baby' has been invited. This is the second time I comment on your writings and only the ones in which I significantly differ. So, that means I like the rest. OK? Hey, I share your well-reasoned view on any argument that will help a woman to parent a child if she cannot or will not have one by natural birth. But I cautiously differ when it becomes the way to go.

Anecdotal to my point is this: A few years back, it was rumoured that there was a famous principal who could not stand the sight of foot-trodden paths along the grass areas on the campus. He reasoned that since students were not using the designated corridors, all he needed to do was to create corridors where he found students habitually crossed the grass. He did that, but eventually, the place was a concrete maze. And that was no tidy sight!

Point is, sometimes we have to be very careful how we ask for them to become standards. Because for one thing, we know how much it will become the excuse for many women who want only women in their lives and no man.

Conversely, though, what if a man truly wants to father a child, but refuses to do so with any ordinary jobless and unambitious woman? What if he can't find the quality woman (perhaps like you) that he desires for his child? I bet he would face more stress than you do to adopt a child. Or, unless there will be an ovum waiting for him at an ova bank, then, he may just have to look at it your way, that is, 'a baby, but not the mother with it'.

By the way, Angela, could this be the reason why so many men left a child with its mother and found themselves starting a whole new family with another woman? I mean, could it be that he wants the child (which no mother will give up) but not the mother with it?

I am still thinking.

Gerald

Would love to get married but ...

Dear Angela,

It would seem that you have been reading my mind as I am going through a similar state. I am 28 years old, attractive and a professional. However, I am single and desperately want a child. I have thought about all these possibilities you have put forward and have concluded that one way or another, I am going to get pregnant for the new year. My colleagues think I should get married first and that I am crazy to just choose a guy and get pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to get married like everyone else, but where are the good men? Half the time the men you think will stick around eventually leave you anyway. So why not set the course and put yourself in the frame of mind of being a single parent? Won't be easy, but you won't be having any surprises. So wish me luck on my new year's resolution. I am going to find me a sperm donor (HIV-free of course ... always keep it safe).

shana2slim@yahoo.com

You are right

Dear Angela,

Enjoyed your column! You are so right. Someone will have a moral problem with each of these scenarios, but one of these scenarios will be right for others, and the joy that will flow out of that decision will be unbelievable. Did you know that November 16 was National Adoption Day?

Thanks for speaking out!

jessica.pegis@rogers.com

Taking the bull by the horn

Dear Angela,

I read your article on single mothers in last Sunday's Outlook with much interest. First, I think it's commendable that someone 'takes the bull by the horn' and discuss such a topic in the media. Also, by initiating discussion on the topic, you are helping other women (and men?) in the same position to explore available options for having children.

Even though I am married, and love children dearly, I still don't have any of my own, so I can easily empathise with anyone who find themselves in this situation.

Mark

You're selfish, self-centred and godless!

Dear Angela,

Your 'I want a baby' and all the rigmarole that you are suggesting to desperate women just shows how you today women are selfish, self-centred and godless.

Selfish women of your mindset are, in this case, thinking only of yourself with no concern about a child who will grow up without a father, which is the principal reason why the country is in the present chaotic state.

Self-centred: It is all about you, without regards for natural order, which results in chaos when you break it.

Godless: Because you neglect the idea of God-planned family as established in the Bible.

What you advocating spells danger for all concerned. There is a right way to get a baby, in a loving union between a man and woman, which is the family God designed. Any other way is of Satan.

These suggestions, whether tongue in cheek or serious, are fraught with danger. And, children need fathers. Mothers can never be fathers.

Claude