Alyssa Taffe, Gleaner Writer

A constant invasion of privacy will cause anyone to feel uncomfortable. It is perhaps expected from an overprotective parent or guardian (hence, it's tolerable). However, no one wants this from a boyfriend or girlfriend. How can one deal with a boyfriend/girlfriend who makes it his/her duty to check your emails and text messages?

This behaviour is often caused by insecurities, lack of trust, jealousy or a need for control. It generally happens after a person has been cheated on. These persons find it hard to trust others after their hearts have been broken, and resort to extreme measures of control.

Dealing with it

If you really care about someone and he/she begins to invade your privacy in such a way, there are several ways you can deal with this.

1. Find out why this has been happening

Talk things over with the person. Tell the person that you have noticed what he or she has been doing and get the reason for it. Try as best as possible to be very calm and selective in your choice of words.

2. Compromise or reassure

After talking things over, you may realise that this is happening for several reasons. Your partner may feel that you are not spending enough time with him/her and does this to get a feel of what you have been doing. Or, your partner may have been hurt before and does this as a way to make sure that the same thing does not happen again. Even though these reasons give your partner no right to do this, if you care about him/her, you can make an effort to work on fixing the problems.

Explore ways to spend more time with your partner, or try to include your partner more in your activities. This way, he/she will see that there is nothing to worry about.

3. Last resort

There are many things you can do to prevent them from going through your messages. You could constantly change your password, delete messages after you read them, or even ensure that you always have your phone with you. However, you should never have to resort to this. Without trust, a relationship won't be successful. Hence, if you have tried to work this problem out with your partner and it continues, or worsens, you should call it quits.

"The glue that holds all relationships together - including the relationship between the leader and the led - is trust, and trust is based on integrity."

- Brain Tracey

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