Angela Philipps, Gleaner Writer

Ladies, do you find that every man you go for ends up treating you badly? Would you say that these guys are, in fact, the scum of the earth? Is this a pattern you've got yourself into, or are all fellows ghastly? Would you be outraged if I were to tell you to get a grip and stop accepting this in your life because you feel that it's inevitable that 'terrible' men are attracted to you?

You know, I don't just pluck the subject matters for my column out of thin air, nor am I a bitter single woman, as many male readers have implied. The topics stem from my experiences sometimes, but also from those who write to me. For instance, this woman who emailed me last week:

Married man

"I have been with this man for more than two years. Actually, we practically live together. After one year in the relationship, I found out that this man was married, so I confronted him and he admitted that he was married. He told me that nothing was going on between him and his wife, and the only reason why he did not divorce this woman was because he did not want his 14-year-old daughter to suffer.

"Anyway, I gave him an ultimatum. I told him if he did not clean up his life I would move on. I have been told that I am a very attractive woman and to stick with a married man, I would be selling myself short. There is this thing with me though, it seem as if I'm a magnet for 'garbage'. I should have moved on when I heard that he was married, but I did not. This man has keys to my apartment! I finally made up my mind to tell him to stick with his family because I did not like the way my life was going, and I needed to set an example for my nine-year-old daughter. So I changed the locks and told him it was over."

First, thank goodness it is over. That is, of course, if indeed it really is! Many a time we single lasses will stupidly go back for more. But let's focus on when she says, "I'm a magnet for 'garbage'." Well ... I must say that I did not know humans were lodestones!

This woman's story matches so many others. Now, tell me this. Why would anyone stay with a married man if she was not his wife? The simple fact that this scumbag lied about his marital status is bad enough, but why she didn't end the relationship from that moment is beyond my comprehension. She was not forced to stay with him, nor, it seems, did her life depend on it.

in love with who?

I know that it's tough to walk away from someone you love, but if he's not upfront with you about such aspects, then you're not truly in love with the actual person, are you? What you are attracted to is your perception of who he is, which, as it turns out, is false. So this should make it a little easier to leave him!

To be frank, this applies to blokes as well. Many of them are treated appallingly by girls and I have the same advice for them. Who on earth put the idea into anyone's head that it's inevitable that he or she falls in love with idiots all the time? The decision to date or hang out with someone is solely one's own.

Even when the heart flutters, it is important to use the brain. What are the qualities of this man, or woman? Does he, or she, have your best interest in mind? I agree that you can't help it if you are attracted to someone, but I disagree with the notion that you can't stop yourself falling for someone. The latter might be difficult, but it's very possible to do. You are not, by any stretch of the imagination, magnets for garbage ... you are simply choosing to look in the dumpster!

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com

Discourse between Angela and one of her many readers

A very good Sunday morning to you, Ms Philipps. And I do hope you're not wearing that sad face your picture depicted in this morning paper. Let me start by saying ... there is much more that escapes our understanding than that which [we think] we understand. Simply put, we've been taught what to think and not how to think.

Most relationships today are tailor-made, in that, if we don't physically see what we want, it's not good enough for us. In other words, if he/she does not drive an expensive car, own a big house and have a big bankroll he/she is a no-no. This is what most of us have been taught to think. Many moons ago we used to wish for a healthy and long life. Now it's all about material gain. More often than not, it is said that education is the passport to success/material gain. What's the implication here?

When dogs/cats rise from slumber they stretch before moving around. When I rise I give thanks to the Almighty for another day. Don't be sad ... be glad for life. We're all in our rightful places ... Bless!

Jr

Response

Thank you for your email.

Well, the sad face depicted in the paper was not me! My editor chose that photo.

Fear not, I do not feel sad at all, but thanks for your kind words.

If only people would wish for long and healthy lives ... material gain is unsatisfying in the end.

Take care.

Angela

Hello Angela,

It was the sad face depicted in the paper that prompted me to write. And you let me know it's not you, but still thanked me for the kind words. Wow! You're rare. "Fear not, I do not feel sad at all, but thanks for your kind words." In a nutshell, I appreciate you. You're rare and beautiful. You, too, take care ... and thanks a ton for making my day. Bless!

Jr