Angela Philipps, Gleaner Writer

Have you seen the movie Hitch, starring Will Smith, who plays the lead role of Alex Hitchens? His job is to help a client procure a date with the woman of his dreams. He is not in the business of achieving one night stands for these men, but of finding true love, if possible. Of course, there is always one who spoils it, right? Vance Munson, played by Jeffrey Donovan, is one such man, who is simply looking to have sex with a particular woman he has in mind.

I recently received a few emails from the same person, and I get the feeling he's a bit like Mr Munson himself. Here's what he wrote:

just a gust 'av' love

"Just this weekend I wondered if I was going loco. All I could think about was sex and intimacy. Everybody I saw (once they were well groomed) I wondered what it would be like to have sex with them. I was really going through a gust 'av' love/intimacy moment, right?

"I have been thinking about marriage, sex, intimacy quite often since of late and I want to live happily ever after but I'm afraid of marriages. Do marriages ever work ... . do people ever enjoy being married?

"I know what I'm feeling now can't be good because I cannot go around having sex with all and sundry, but the thought feels good right now. No commitments, no attachments, no broken hearts, no strings - just a gust 'av' love at a time."

In his second email he said:

"As I wrote earlier, I have been wanting sex so badly it hurts. Today, I noticed that only people I would not be interested in actually look in my direction or try to talk to me. Does that say something about me? Sometimes I feel like settling, since the people I like don't/won't like me. It gets really lonely at times!

"I don't know, maybe something is wrong with me. I want intimacy but no attachments. Why doesn't anybody like me - no male no female. I'm fed up! Sometimes I really feel like taking on any old soul - just for sex though. How do you manage as a singleton? What do you do when you're burning? I've helped myself all weekend but sometimes you need another body - just for closeness and a bit of intimacy, right?"

reality check

Well, it sounds as if this guy needs to take a reality check. While I am sure there might be a couple of gals out there who would be willing to have a one-off 'fling', it's doubtful that so many would be truly satisfied and happy with this arrangement. In general, ladies don't function this way. Unfortunately, it seems as if he has missed the point of my 'Gust 'av' love' article, but that's the problem with words sometimes - an author's meanings can get lost in translation!

What this fellow should be doing is talking to a lad like Hitch! If not, then watching the film might start him on the right track. It's no wonder people don't like him, as he says above. He has to get in touch with what women feel and want. I'm not implying that this is so easy, but it doesn't take a high school graduate to figure out that they aren't so keen on giving their bodies away so freely, and without emotion. Of course, if this is too taxing on his pea-size head, then perhaps he should continue to 'help himself', as he subtly writes!

Someone asked me the other day if I'd set up a dating service, but the truth is, this doesn't facilitate weeding out idiots like my reader. What's really in demand is a coach - a person who can instruct blokes like this on how we single lasses ought to be treated. Anyone know a date doctor?

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com.