Latoya Campbell, Gleaner Writer

Contributed

"True torture comes from heartache that not even the sands of time can heal, it's a pain that strips the soul of all meaning and completely destroys the mind's resolve to survive."

- O. Johnson

One of the most difficult feelings to cope with is that of rejection; especially from someone you sincerely care about. Often, many do not honestly express the feelings they have for the person they care deeply about, simply because they are trying to escape being rejected. It is a part of life, and while you may feel that you're the only one in such a position, believe me, there are many others.

"I met the man of my dreams when I'd least expected it. A part of me felt like it was mutual, yet, neither of us made any attempt to express our true feelings. This went on for months until I got totally frustrated and decided to speak out. In the end, it turned out that he no longer felt the same, since he had grown accustomed to our friendship. He liked things the way they were. That was like being punched in the face, and even now, many years after, I still haven't been able to get over it." Leela, 20.

Outlook Youth spoke with 22-year-old Alex, who admitted that while everyone has experienced rejection at some point, many have not grasped the ways in which they can overcome it and not let it affect them in future. He listed three suggestions for persons who have been rejected, or who fear being rejected.

suggestions

Don't get your hopes up unreasonably; don't allow yourself to think you're in love with someone and that the feeling is mutual, when there's really nothing substantiating that. Be objective and every now and then pause and try to regain perspective.

Love yourself. If you have the confidence in yourself to be able to recognise, accept and improve your flaws and virtues, then you have the power to understand that rejection doesn't reflect badly on you. Also, by loving yourself, you are not looking for someone else to make you whole. You are looking for someone else to share in the joy of living your life.

Be honest with others but, more important, yourself.

At times, being rejected works in your favour though you may not feel that way initially. "I've been rejected too many times. Sometimes my self-esteem feels shattered, but if you're like me and you know yourself, and you are confident, you will eventually look at your rejecter and laugh, 'cause you realise that you were spared a more terrible heartache, and that better is out there for you." Simone, 21.

Finally, if you are constantly faced with rejection you may need to re-examine your approach. It may be a matter of improving your communication skills. Most important, try not to lose yourself in your attempt to gain acceptance. You are who you are, no matter what others may think of you, and once you have accepted that, there is nothing that anyone can do to make you feel inferior.

POLL

Question: If you have been rejected by someone, would you take no for an answer or would you make another attempt?

Responses

Take no for an answer. Being rejected once is enough for me! 44 per cent

Make another attempt. Every rejection may bring me closer to a positive answer eventually! 56 per cent