The Soloist, Contributor

The other day, the sister-friends and I had quite a heated argument about whether the man in a relationship ought to call before coming over to the house for a visit. The consensus was four to two. Two of the group (including myself) were vehement in our stance that except for a husband/live-in lover, the man ought to call before coming by. Whether he has a key or not.

We took all of the following into consideration:

He should call first because it's the proper thing to do and shows respect for the woman.

He should call first even if he has a key, just in case she had planned to hang with the girls, chat with siblings, parents or co-workers or just get a nap.

He should call first because she could need her space to read, put on a facial mask, do a Brazilian wax or clear out her closet in peace and quiet.

He should call first because she could be entertaining other visitors who also happened to drop by and she's hiding her annoyance while playing the gracious hostess.

He should call first because having a key does not mean he should take her for granted.

Disagree

Those who said calling first is not necessary, offered the following arguments:

He is already your man and you have the understanding and trust that led to giving him a key.

Him coming by whenever he needs to is preparation for marriage when he'll be around all the time.

It shows lack of trust or that you have something to hide if he has to call first.

The fact is that no matter which side of the argument we are on, all relationships require respect and trust. Showing consideration for each other's feelings does not mean lack of trust. I may just have had an emergency call from a friend or the office and decided to rush out when he decides to drop by. A simple telephone call before coming by, especially if he really wanted to see me, would have eliminated the resultant annoyance or disappointment when your man just shows up.

I do not like surprises, pleasant or otherwise. I am a control freak, so I like to know what's going on so I can be prepared. If I were to give a man a key, it would be like letting go of all my control, so he will have to trust me enough to know he's the only one in my life and has no need to fear any competition. But he's not getting my key unless it's to open the door in my presence.

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