Angela Philipps, Contributor

Are you scared of falling in love? Have you been hurt before by a lover and feel that you can never put yourself in that position again? When one talks about loving without fear, does it mean that you place no conditions on the relationship at all? Do you simply adore the receiver of your affections and expect nothing in return? Are there other aspects of a union between two people that cause one to be frightened or unsettled?

Sit down and truly think about how you've entered into your relationships, and what all your feelings were during the course of each. I recently did that and it became apparent to me that while I used to believe that I'd been in love a number of times, I have now come to realise that I did not always completely 'let go'. And yet, I had put myself in the category of 'one who wears one's heart on one's sleeve'. This clearly was not the case at all! Within me somewhere is a self-preserving mechanism that kicks in when my inner self needs saving.

The first time I felt deeply for a guy was when I was 16. I was in high school and understood very little about what I was experiencing. The boy was around the same age so he was probably as nervous as I. Since it was a purely innocent 'crush' (I use this term because at that stage of life it could hardly be called anything more), nothing ever got complicated. Maybe in this instance I was doing some fearless 'puppy loving'!

As I grew older, the desire for a more physical connection between me and the fellows I dated stared to arise. With this came apprehension. Rightly so, I became aware of how delicate one's heart can be.

the one

In the last couple months I have opened my email to find letters from many young girls, age 16 and 17, each proclaiming that her boyfriend is 'the one' and that she wishes to marry him. This is worrying, as I fear (one of us has to!) that the boys are using them for sex and they don't view it that way at all. I would be utterly surprised if the randy lads had any intentions of changing their status from being single ... not for a long while, at least.

At 21 years old, I tumbled so hard that I couldn't understand why my boyfriend was the one who was petrified of losing me. There I was, giving him my heart and soul, yet he could not grasp hold of this fact. Of course, this eventually initiated and perpetuated my fear. One person cannot sustainably love for two! It just doesn't work that way.

I am not an advocate of closing oneself off from affection. Humans need it and, in a way, I agree with the saying, 'It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all'. However, if you can allow yourself to be utterly happy with someone, then it implies that total misery could ensue if you were to find yourself without that person. Herein rests the twist: were you to try and save yourself from the latter's dark path, you might never know the former's blissful journey.

The truth is that many of us can't actually help how we feel for another person. We can't explain it, but for some reason we 'click' with certain people in a very special way. Granted, it might not be long-lasting, but that is where your head comes in. It is equally important to use your common sense in these matters. Does this hold your heart back somewhat? If so, then perhaps I don't choose fearless loving. Do you?

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com.