POSITIVE Parenting

( L - R ) Linton, Davidson

This instalment from the soon-to-be published book on parenting, by Drs Faith Linton and Barry Davidson, explores the issue of children and their emotions.

WHEN THE young child starts learning to speak, language becomes an important part of his/her emotional development.

The young child, who is just learning to talk, often becomes quite frustrated when she cannot make others understand what she wants to say. She becomes a happier and more confident child when she is able to communicate adequately, using words.

As parents, we therefore need to actively help children to give a name not only to the things they see around them, but also to the feelings they have inside them. Many of us do the first, but not the second. Perhaps it is because we don't realise that the young child is ready to recognise his feelings, and needs to be able to put these feelings into words.

Discussing feelings

Young children understand much more than they can express. So, even before they are making sentences, we can talk to them about feeling sad, feeling happy or angry, as well as feeling hungry, thirsty or tired. Soon we will be able to carry on a conversation with them when they are having these feelings. We can help them talk about the reason for the feeling: "You feel sad because you miss Joey and Anna" (playmates from next door), or "you get mad when Luke takes away your toys".

We can help them feel better or become calm in a variety of ways. For example, we can describe Joey and Anna at home having supper with their mummy and daddy, going to bed, then waking up and coming back to play with them.

Or, if there is conflict, we may need to step in and restore order. Children like order and fairness, but it takes time and skill to teach them that there are better ways of getting back their favourite toy other than hitting their brother or grabbing the toy by force.

Keeping calm

If the child's feelings are getting too strong for him, we can try to distract his attention; take him away from the scene, comfort him physically, draw his attention to something he enjoys.

We need to keep calm. Talk quietly to the child, hold a conversation with him and expect him to respond. When we handle these emotion-filled situations firmly and positively, we are actually teaching the child how to control and calm his own feelings.

Next week: Guidelines for emotional development.

The work by educator Dr Faith Linton and psychologist Dr Barry Davidson is soon to be published under the auspices of Family Life Ministries.