Is it possible to metaphorically step aside from our romances and look at them from someone else's viewpoint? Are we able to truly see what's going on when our hearts are entwined with another's? If walls could talk, would they tell us to walk away from the man or woman we are dating?

A long time ago I was going out with a bloke, and basically 'lost' myself for the five and half years we were together. My friends and family knew the destruction this guy was causing, but I refused to see it. I loved him and that was all that mattered. He was jealous of my male friends, so I withdrew from my friendships with them.

a hermit

He mistrusted some of my girlfriends, so I spent little time with them. He didn't want me going out to bars or parties with him, so instead I stayed at home and became a hermit.

My life consisted of my work (thank goodness I had that) and, of course, him! Now, you have to understand that I am a very social and outgoing chick, and people often comment on how great I am at keeping in touch with everyone. To turn my back on my true self was probably the most stupid thing I have done in my life.

breaking the bond

In hindsight, I realise that I should have listened to the people who really cared about and knew me the best. All their warnings were given out of love. However, at the time I thought that they were just interfering and that they didn't understand how the guy and I felt about one another. I mean, one never truly knows what goes on behind closed doors. They couldn't see how we bonded. In a nutshell, they thought that he disrespected me. Of course, I was blind and deaf to it all.

It turns out that I was not alone. I received an email from a reader about a month ago, who voiced her concerns about her interfering friends, as she called them. For some reason, they do not like her boyfriend and they'd be overjoyed to see her end the relationship with him. Now, I don't know the complete story. What reasons do these women have for feeling this way? Are they envious of her, or do they actually believe that this fellow is a 'bad egg'? I replied to her letter with this advice:

I am sorry that you are going through these problems with your friends. The truth is, they do want what is best for you, but perhaps they don't fully understand your situation and the love you feel for this man. I wonder if any of them have ever been through anything similar? It's difficult to see it from your point of view if they've never been in the same situation. On the other hand, they are not wound up in the emotion of love like you are, so they might be seeing things that you don't.

get an explanation

What they have to say might not be untrue. Perhaps, you need to sit them down and ask them to explain why they feel the way they do and then you tell them your side. Tell them you love this man but you value their concerns. Discuss it. If you push your friends away altogether, then you are being a fool. In the end they are the ones who will always be there for you. Do yourself a favour and just sit down and talk to them - frankly. Listen to them and ask them to listen to you.

After that you'll know what to do.

There is nothing ground- breaking about what I wrote to her, but while she is hurting and also in a dilemma as to what she ought to do, there is little chance of her seeing the big picture. I'm not saying that her friends are right, but it does no harm to hear what they have to say. Relationships are subjective, but sometimes it's best to look at them objectively, and it's next to impossible to do so when it's your own.