Q I am a concerned parent. I have a son who will turn nine in August, and it seems that I don't have any control over him whatsoever. He is falling back in class, he loves the road and no matter how much I try talking to or scolding him, it just does not seem to affect him at all. Please, I am asking you, what can I do to control my son?

A A few things need to be done right away. First, you need to tell yourself that you are in charge and get some help from a counsellor. This will help you cope with the personal problems you have, that make you feel like you have no control. You also need to sit with his teacher and find out how badly he is doing in school. He might need special help. The school guidance counsellor will help you to get special help for him if this is a serious problem. You also need to find out what it is, on the road that is attracting him and the reason he is going to that particular place or places. Make some rules and stand by them, about the time he needs to be home. This new control that he will be experiencing may make him rebellious at first, but try your best to be firm and loving. Encourage him when he is doing well with the new rules and activities.

Q I have a 10-year-old son who gives me a lot of talking. He does not listen to me at all. I try to give him everything he could possibly need, except his father who is not active in his life. I really need some parental advice. I feel like I am going crazy. Please help me!

A After a while, the material things do not matter much to children. Are you in touch with his father? If you can, please contact him and encourage him to speak with his son. If the connection with his father is possible, prepare him for the experience so he does not have unrealistic expectations. Contact with his father may help your child feel good about himself.

Children who feel good about themselves are more able to resist negative peer pressure and make better choices for themselves. This is an important time for children to gain a sense of responsibility, along with their growing independence. If this does not cause a change in attitude, seek the help of a counsellor, who will explore other issues that may be causing him to behave the way he does.

Q I am trying to get counselling help for my 12-year-old child who is deaf. She has become very quiet and it is frustrating me. She is the only deaf person in the house.

A Be very loving and positive towards your daughter. If you can, take her away from the house to somewhere private and speak with her without other family members being around. Do not be in a hurry to go anywhere. This special time with her will let her know that what she has to say is very important to you. If she still does not speak with you, the school she goes to will have information for a counsellor or counsellors who use sign language and can counsel your daughter.

POSITIVE Parenting