I have been reading your weekly column and I have found it informative and helpful. I tend to get angry easily and have a lot of rage reaction. I am wondering if something is wrong with me.
- Claudia
Dear Claudia:
Anger is a normal response to frustration and problems. We need to be in control of our feelings and not get carried away in the heat of the moment. Anger can lead to physical and verbal aggression as well as rage reaction.
Anger can result from childhood frustrations. We all have issues from childhood events and we feel that life is unfair and we were maltreated. Many individuals were neglected and abused in the name of child rearing. Many were beaten in anger and felt unloved and unappreciated. These persons were never shown positive attention or congratulated on their achievements.
Generational pathology
Feelings of resentment and anger are carried forward into adulthood and are projected on to other individuals. This projection of anger on to innocent individuals is part of the process of transmission of generational pathology.
You, therefore, need to speak with a therapist about unresolved issues of the past and current stressors. Some individuals may have bipolar disorder or impulse control disorder or borderline personality disorder.
There are some simple techniques that can be used to control your anger. Count to 10 and take deep breaths to relax yourself before you respond to a situation. You must realise that some people provoke anger in people to keep them off balance and make them vulnerable. It, therefore, means that we need to be aware of our trigger points and maintain emotional control.
Haunted by grief
Dear Counsellor:
My daughter died years ago and I find that whenever the anniversary comes around, I get depressed. Can you explain what is happening to me?
- Annemarie
Dear Annemarie:
Grief reaction to the loss of a loved on is a lifelong adaptation to the loss. Bereavement is one of the most challenging issues to face mankind. Grieving is lifelong but the pain tends to get less with time.
Anniversary reaction is a normal response and you should accept that for a few days every year, you'll feel unhappy. There are rituals to grieving, such as the burial and memorials. These rituals are to help the family come to terms with their loss and adapt to a life without the physical presence of the loved one. Many times there are unfulfilled dreams and expectations and so we speak about unfinished business.
When children die, parents feel that part of them is missing and they have to search for meaning and understanding. There are no answers for some questions and depending on our beliefs and culture, we may accept certain answers.
Phone Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at 978-8602 or email yvonniebd@hotmail.com.
