Shelly-Ann Thompson, Staff Reporter

(This article was first published on September 19, 2005)

TWO DAYS after her friend Jacinth was married, Melissa called to get the details of her wedding night. To Melissa's surprise, she was given a laughing answer of, "Nothing happened, we were too tired". Melissa was more than shocked and was also disappointed as she had assisted Jacinth, her friend of more than 10 years, to select sexy red lingerie for her wedding night.

Contrary to expectations of wedding night sexual activity, nothing usually happens. Flair found that some couples, after getting married, are just too tired to have a sexually romantic wedding night.

"I felt more like being forced rather than spontaneous or passionate," says Venise Kelly. The 23-year-old got married to her beau of three years. "If we had not decided prior to the ceremony to do it, it would have happened naturally," continues Kelly. When Flair asked Kelly if she had been intimate on her wedding night, she answered, "Yes". However, when she was told about other couples' responses, she was honest. "To tell you the truth, it wasn't a blissfully romantic moment. We were both tired so we just got it over and done with," she said.

She notes that it's more about fantasy than reality about being overly romantic and making mad, passionate love on a wedding night. "Unless you go to sleep then get up and do it, it's fantasy," says Kelly. Factors that crush hopes of a sexually romantic wedding night are tiredness following the whole event from planning to going through with it, Kelly said, meeting people during the ceremony and having to thank guests for coming; and standing in high heels are not easy to do.

HONEYMOON SUITE

For Denise Grant and her husband, when they finished thanking their guests at their wedding, it was nearly 1 a.m. In their honeymoon suite, Grant desperately wanted to get out of the wedding gown and the many underlying garments. "After taking off the gown and the make-up, I just wanted to go to bed," she says. Instead, they had a 'quickie' in the shower.

The notion of having a fulfilling sexual wedding night might have been developed centuries ago, as most brides were virgins. In some cases, too, both husband and wife were living separately or would be experiencing their first sexual relationship in their lifetime.

Celebrated moment

It has changed a lot these days as sometimes, couples are cohabiting or have been married before. Still, despite these changes in modern relationships, the wedding night is a celebrated moment.

Sandra Watson, who had a morning wedding, says that the time of day that the wedding takes place can be a factor in having a magical wedding night. Her wedding ceremony and reception were finished by 1 p.m. After which, she says they had a wonderful time alone.

Yvonne Foster, counselling psychologist, suggests the following for enhancing a romantic wedding night:

Put heart-shaped love notes on your pillows.

Play a CD with your favourite love songs in the room.

If you have travelled, have a Jacuzzi bath and sprinkle rose petals on the water.

Spray the room with your favourite fragrance.

Put rose petals on the bedspread.

Make an album of special moments in your relationship, for example, where you met; somewhere you went together. (This will take some prior preparation.)

Wedding night attire: get some hot and sexy sleepwear.