Heather Little-White, Ph.D., Contributor 
When a woman is expecting a baby, her partner undergoes a series of changes for which he should be prepared. From planning the pregnancy to the delivery and care of the baby, fathers-to-be have several lessons to learn to help them cope with the addition to the family.
The hospital is now the most common place to give birth. It is safe and should be well equipped to deal with any complications that may arise. The delivery room has staff nurses, and the most important person to the safe delivery is the obstetrician/gynaecologist who would have been following the mother's pregnancy.
Bonding
Another important person to the delivery process and bonding with his child is the father-in-waiting. Increasingly, more fathers are involved in the natural delivery of their children, attending birthing classes to make mother's delivery safe and less painful.
Apart from assisting with safe delivery of the baby, the expectant father should help with the costs associated with medical visits, baby's clothes and equipment, as well as the hospital stay. A 'pregnant' father should understand what physical and psychological changes are taking place with his spouse.
'Sympathetic' pregnancy
In addition to psychological changes, the 'pregnant' father may experience physical symptoms as well. This is known as couvade or 'sympathetic' pregnancy. The symptoms experienced around the third month of pregnancy are typically those associated with pregnant women - weight gain, nausea, mood swings, food cravings. Expectant fathers may also experience symptoms not associated with pregnant women, such as headaches, toothaches, itching and cysts. One important factor arising from couvades is the supernatural bond between father and the unborn child. Whatever the father did during the pregnancy, it is believed to have an effect on the unborn child.
There are several common reasons why a 'pregnant' father may develop symptoms of sympathetic pregnancy.
Sympathy or feelings of guilt for what the mother-to-be is experiencing. Men have a way of taking on the sufferings of the ones they love as they try to take the pain away.
Jealousy - Your partner will naturally be getting more attention during the pregnancy than you so you develop couvade symptoms to shift the attention to you.
Unconscious experience. Researchers have discovered that in western societies, couvade symptoms appear unconsciously in expectant fathers.
Historical practice. Dating back to 60 BC and continuing today in many non-western societies, couvade has been used deliberately in rituals designed to keep fathers involved in the experience of pregnancy and childbirth. However, several of the rituals have not been friendly to women. First-century mothers were routinely ignored during childbirth while their husbands were waited in bed.
'Observer' Father
Couvade symptoms depend on a 'pregnant' father's involvement in pregnancy and the basic style of father involvement that he may adopt. He may be an 'observer' father maintaining a certain emotional distance and sees himself as a bystander. The 'expressive' father is very emotionally involved and sees himself as a full partner, or he may be the 'instrumental' father, being the manager of the pregnancy and he may want to plan every detail, including medical appointment and what to eat.
The desire for sex may be heightened during pregnancy. Some 'pregnant' fathers express more interest in sex and are more easily aroused. You and/or your spouse may have an increased desire for sex after the third month when her nausea and fatigue are probably gone. Some fathers-in-waiting find the pregnant body of their spouses more erotic, what with fuller breasts and curves.
Caressing the pregnant anatomy is a sexual turn-on for many men. They are often turned on by the feeling of power and masculinity in being able to create life. That is why some men are eager to announce at conception - "me get a yout". Throughout the pregnancy, women feel more feminine and both partners experience a new feeling of closeness that fosters sexual intimacy.
Lack of desire for sex, especially in the first trimester, may be due to a nauseated or tired mother-to-be. In the second trimester, she may feel too awkward to want to have sex and may be unwilling to try new sexual positions. Very often, pregnant women think that they are unattractive and do not want to engage in sex.
Both partners are often mistaken in thinking that sex will hurt the mother or the baby. The foetus is safely cushioned in the amniotic fluid-fill sac, so sex is no more dangerous than any other time unless there are unusual situations of which the doctor will advise. If you feel that sex is only for creating children, then sex will be placed on the back burner until you next want children.
Fun time
The father-to-be should stay involved during the duration of the pregnancy by having fun with the pregnancy. Take pictures in all angles of the belly each month and have the mother clowning around. Exercise together, taking water aerobics or swimming classes. Start a clipping file for the baby and go shopping together for baby clothes and equipment for nursing.
The 'pregnant' father should prepare for labour, understanding the phases so that you will not panic. Phase one is early labour, which can last from several hours to several weeks with contractions that are not always felt. Phase two is active labour, which is shorter and more intense than phase one. Contractions are about five minutes apart but may last about 40 to 60 minutes. Later, contractions will get closer and last longer. This is time to get to the hospital if you are not there yet. Phase three usually last a few hours.
The most important thing to remember is that pain is finite. At the end, the new baby will be a bundle of joy, and at the end of your pregnancy as a father-in-waiting, you and your partner should share in the parenting of the child to adulthood.
