Dr Alverston Bailey, Contributor
The advent of the Internet has opened a Pandora's box of possibilities for users to meet and interact online. Many individuals, especially teenagers, are now surfing the Net to find friends and establish cyberspace relationships.
A potentially dangerous new phenomenon has now emerged called virtual sex and cyber dating. Virtual sex is a form of non-penetrative intercourse where two or more people come together via some form of communication equipment to arouse each other by transmitting sexually explicit messages. It is a form of role play in which the participants pretend they are actually having sexual relations.
Cybersex includes email, instant messaging, chat rooms and role plays.
Virtual sex may also be accomplished through the use of avatars in a multi-user software environment. The advent of cellphones with built-in digital cameras now makes this activity even more popular.
Sociologists have compared virtual sex to being a cyborg defined as a natural human activity (having sex) mediated by technology. There are thousands of sites on the Web specialising in helping people meet each other. Dating-service sites usually restrict participation to people over 18 years old, but most of them depend on the possession of a credit card as the sole mechanism for proving age. It is therefore very difficult to exclude teenagers or young children from these sites if they have access to credit cards.
Advantages
Since cybersex can satisfy some sexual desires without the risk of sexually transmitted infection or pregnancy, it is a physically safe way to experiment with sexual thoughts and emotions. Additionally, individuals with long-term ailments (including HIV) can engage in cybersex as a way to safely achieve sexual gratification without putting their partners at risk.Virtual sex allows real-life partners who are physically separated to continue to be sexually intimate. In geographically separated relationships, it can play an important role in sustaining the sexual dimension of a relationship in which the partners see each other face to face infrequently. It enables participants to act out fantasies which they would not normally act out. Cybersex has also been used in therapy to help those who are very shy and afraid to invest in a real-life romance.Disadvantages
The most significant risk posed by virtual sex is in establishing that all involved parties are consenting adults. The relative anonymity of Internet communication may provide encouragement to seek out underage cybersex partners. In the course of such conversations, these individuals sometimes try to send child pornography to others or arrange real-life meetings. Please note that people chatting online often describe themselves or each other in sexual situations or interactions that are age-inappropriate and are, in fact, a form of child abuse. Cybersex is potentially dangerous because the partners frequently have little verifiable knowledge (including gender) about each other. As with other forms of paraphilia, cybersex is sometimes described as a possible symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Moralists continue to debate whether virtual sex is a form of infidelity. While it does not involve physical contact, many opponents claim that the powerful emotions involved can cause marital stress, especially when cybersex culminates in a serious Internet romance. In a number of cases, Internet adultery became the grounds for divorce. It is also sobering to note that the anonymous nature of online chat might encourage pranksters to post personal data on the Net. Therapists have reported a growing number of patients addicted to this activity, called Internet addiction.Guidelines for parents and teachers
Discuss online dating with teenagers so that they understand what is involved. Ensure that children understand why it is inappropriate and even dangerous for them to masquerade as adults in online dating services.
Guidelines for cyber daters
Go slow. Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true. Begin by first communicating solely via email. Remain anonymous. Make sure that your correspondence with your online friend does not reveal any personal contact information about you. As you are getting to know someone online, ask questions about hobbies, politics, religion, education, birthdate, family background and marital history and status. Keep the answers you receive and beware of self-contradictions. Request a photo. A photo will give you a good idea of the person's appearance. It's best to view several images of this person in a variety of settings. Talk via telephone. A phone call can reveal much about a person's communication and social skills. But do not give out your personal phone number to a stranger. Use a cellphone number instead for added security. Don't rush into face-to-face contact. Meeting and relating online offers you a unique opportunity to collect information and then make a choice about pursuing the relationship in the real world. Do not feel obliged to meet anyone, regardless of your level of online intimacy. Before you agree to meet, get your date's full name, address and telephone number. Be suspicious if the person refuses to give you a home number: Call the home number a few times to see if someone else answers Select the safest possible environment. When you make the choice to meet offline, always tell a relative or a friend where you are going and when you will return. Leave your date's name and telephone number with that person.Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home. Provide your own transportation, meet in a public place at a time when many people are present, and when the date is over, leave on your own as well. A familiar restaurant or coffee shop, at a time when many other people will be present is a good choice. Avoid hikes, bike rides or drives in remote areas for the first few dates.
If you are flying in from another area, arrange for your own car and a hotel room. Do not disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make the arrangements for you. Plan an escape route. Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any way afraid of your date, use your best judgement to diffuse the situation and get out of there!Don't fall in love at the click of a mouse. Be conservative when you meet someone online. If you think your new friends are lying, they most likely are. Do not become prematurely intimate with someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online.
Dr Alverston Bailey is a medical doctor and immediate past president of the Medical Association of Jamaica. Send comments and questions to editor@gleanerjm.com or fax 922-6223.
