Keisha Shakespeare-Blackmore, Staff Reporter

Some women do not want to be in a committed relationship. They prefer to be the other woman, eliminating the hassle that comes with being the wife/main woman.

Marywas once the other woman and she was in it for the fun. She met Johnnearly three years ago when she went out with a friend. He dropped her home that night and asked for a date. But she wasn't interested in a relationship. "I told him I did not want a man because I cannot be bothered with the hassle," she said.

All about having fun

She is a free-spirited woman and when you are the main woman, men tend to be too controlling. As the other woman, you do not have to worry about responsibilities; it is all about having fun.

The two eventually began seeing each other after a weekend get-away in Negril. At the time, John was living with someone. As their relationship developed, John's girlfriend used to call and quarrel with Mary. "She told me to leave her man because he does not want me. But I told her, she is lucky and I am not leaving him. I was having too much fun, plus, I was not emotionally connected to him."

The game went on for about five months until John left his girlfriend. He moved out and left her with everything; the car and the house they had bought together. John and Mary were together for two years when wedding plans began, but Mary changed her mind. "Marriage just does not interest me," she told Flair.

She also pointed out that she is not worried about his cheating on her because she believes what goes around comes around. "I know that when it happens, I have already experienced being the other woman so what happens, happens."

Bitter-sweet affair

Sandrawas also the other woman. She said it was exhilarating in some respects. The fact that she knew the main woman and was not known by her, made it funny. "On the other hand, it sometimes makes you feel 'small' (less of a person), because you're not the main woman. It is a bitter-sweet affair," she said.

Sex therapist, Dr Sidney McGill, notes that intimate relationships can be unstable because each partner has the desire to belong to each other yet to be independent. This creates an anxiety system that needs to be resolved.

He further stated that when these conflicts arise, the system cannot contain the anxiety and the man finds a third person to unload on (talk).

"Men are usually inept to detail with persistent anxiety and negative emotions. They are more likely than women to find someone to unload on," said Dr McGill.

He said that when a man unloads to the other woman, he becomes less stressed, but the relationship usually evolves from conversation to sex. The relationship is usually exciting and the orgasm more intense than with the main partner.

"What this does is creates a temporary distraction from the problems in the primary relationship. But when the wife/main partner finds out, the problems that may have been minimal now heighten."

Expelled from the equation

The end result usually is that the other woman is expelled from the equation. However, he said that if the other woman became pregnant during the relationship, it would be hard for him to disconnect himself from her. She becomes a constant reminder of his deception. He adds that many men develop several relationships outside of the one with their wife/main woman that remain undetectable.

He pointed out that the other woman is usually younger. But as the man gets older, their sexual functions will decline and the woman, because she is younger and just reaching her prime, will desire more sexually. Then the tables will be turned.

Names changed to protect identity