Edward went to discuss the results of a blood test with his doctor. The doctor (a woman) hesitated. Tears were in her eyes. She struggled with her words. Edward knew it was bad news. For many persons the first suspicion is the worried and hesitant look on the doctor's face.

That first thought of having cancer is very frightening. The initial response may be that of shock, anger or denial. The shock may cause an individual to go into depression, become anxious or deny the situation entirely.

Anger leads persons to ask the question, "Why me. I did everything that was right. I ate right, I exercised. I was a good person. Why me?" It sometimes leaves us to question God.

Harold, a committed Christian was diagnosed with lung cancer. He questioned his faith; he questioned God. "How could the good Lord allow this to happen to me?" He would ask himself every day.

Some persons who are angry turn to blaming everyone. They blame their health-care providers; they blame family members and sometimes they blame themselves. People in a state of anger are difficult to treat and relate to. It takes skills such as understanding, empathy and non-defensive responses to deal with an individual who is angry.

Denial is powerful

Many persons go into denial. Denial is powerful. It may help people to push aside the thought of having a terminal illness and reduce the intense pain of dealing with this reality. Denial prevents most people from taking the appropriate steps such as going to see the doctor or a specialist and following through with a specific test or procedure.

Agnes did an examination of her breast and discovered a lump. Cancer was the first thought she had. She was terrified. She went into depression for several weeks. She knew she should go see her doctor, but she went into denial. She told herself that the lump would go away. It never did. It grew and despite the fact that it was growing, she was in such deep denial that she did not take the appropriate steps. The cancer spread. Agnes died. Her denial was so strong that it prevented her from seeking professional help.

There are still other people who go into denial and refuse to cooperate with the treatment prescribed by their doctor. They refuse tablets, refuse surgery and they refuse chemotherapy, even in situations where it is clear that these interventions will help. However, these say people may go from caregiver to caregiver until they find someone who supports their position such as a traditional healer or a herbal practitioner. These traditional treatments are sometimes expensive; they do not have a strong scientific basis and many people die when they could have lived had they cooperated with the medical treatment.

Horace on the other hand was having problems passing urine. He was concerned that this could be prostate cancer. His father and uncle had died from this cancer. He decided to take the bull by the horn. He went to see his doctor immediately. Twenty years later he is still alive. Horace accepted the fact, he took immediate actions and he cooperated with his health care providers.

Steps to follow

At some time, we all may be faced with a life-threatening illness in our own lives or in that of someone else. Take these steps:

1. Accept the fact that the feelings of shock, anger and fear are real. Remember that they are normal and natural reactions to being told or to discovering that one has a terminal or life-threatening condition.

2. Discuss your feelings, fears and concerns. It is always a good idea to deal with your feelings. We recognise that many persons like to be private, but it helps to work through your feelings with someone you can trust.

3. Seek early professional help. Many lives could be spared or many persons can have better outcomes if they seek early professional help.

4. Discuss your treatment options. Educate yourself on the illness and the current treatment. Sometimes this is difficult but discuss all treatment options with your health care provider.

5. Faith, family and friends. During periods of illness we may need to call upon our faith, family and friends. It is difficult for many persons to endure this burden alone and we cope better when we have enough support around us.

6. Support group. They provide emotional and informational support. They work. Join one today!