Anthony L. Gordon, CFLE, Contributor

As I drove along the Brunswick Avenue on Friday evening, February 1, I could see that vendors had lost no time in preparing to capitalise on the up-coming Valentine's Day. There was the array of red and white gift packages displayed to attract attention.

Traditionally, Valentine's Day focuses on love and lovers. It does not matter if one believes in, or accepts it, but given the hype that is characteristic of the season, one cannot help but acknowledge that the impact on our senses is virtually inescapable.

As a family life practitioner, I believe in attending to the needs of the various categories of the family: spouses, parents, children, in-laws, and singles. Against that background, I had to ponder the question: How do singles cope with the pressure' of this season of love?

The trend is established: Singleness is the fastest growing category among family members in the society at large and very clearly in the Church. The reasons are many, family counsellors and church leaders cannot afford to pay scant regard or patronising attention to their overall needs.

I came up with the following five suggestions or coping skills to help the unmarried, and especially the unattached, to go through the Valentine season as best as they can:

Coping skills

1 Love yourself. Whether married or single, the first law of love is to love oneself (understandably, after God). Jesus emphasises this principle in the great commandment to "love thy neighbour as thyself". (Matthew 22:36-39) One has to love oneself genuinely to know how others will want to feel loved. In loving yourself, treat yourself lovingly. Pamper yourself, maybe with that gift or special item that you need or desire and can afford without extravagance. Affirm yourself that you are a loving, lovely and loveable person. If someone shares a mutual interest with you, pursue it in a timely manner and with integrity. No such one? Then continue to love yourself with patience.

Some of you could experience seasonal and relational flashbacks. This is so when you recall a relationship that might have ended one of several ways. Flashbacks can be psychologically negative, especially if the experience was an impaired love relationship. If yours is a situation that you cannot manage healthily, seek professional help.

2Anchor yourself in God's love. Remind yourself that you are part of God's creation. His love for you is supreme and He had your best interest at heart. Keep with the community of believers who he has provided for you. Enjoy your circle of friends and supporters. Do not harbour feelings of insufficiency, inadequacy and inferiority. He knows what is best for you at all times and in all circumstances.

3 Wish well for lovers. Seeing that they are your brothers and sisters (Christians or not) and that human love relationship was designed by God, you should wish them well. Pray for them and, depending on the level of your relationship with them, encourage them, affirm them and even admire them! This positive approach to love will make you a better person, spiritually, emotionally and socially.

4. Be aware of insensitive persons. There will always be those persons who appoint themselves as judges of your single state. They either know why you are single; or they judge and scrutinise you. Some pass negative assertions about you. Some offer you 'answers' and suggestions that you never even asked for and the potential assault in various degrees could, at times, feel unbearable.

Be mindful of the existence of such insensitive persons around you. Treat them as their evident ignorance deserves, but do so without animosity and anger. Do not allow such persons' behaviour and attitude towards you to pull you down to their level. Be kind to them and where the opportunity presents itself, help them to better understand how they should behave.

5Guard senses from over-exposure. As a single man or woman, you are entitled to live a healthy, normal life as you work with your realities. Guard your senses from overexposure to scenes and situations that will make you anxious or uncomfortable. As it relates directly to Valentine's Day, admire the loveliness that it positively portrays - flowers, gifts etc. Cheer along with those who cheer, without getting engaged in frivolity and practices (especially with overt sexual suggestions and so-called romantic messages ) that will make you anxious.

Finally, remind yourself that this day is of human origin and, therefore, should not determine how you really feel about yourself. Your true feeling of love should be determined only by God who Himself, is Love ( 1 John 4:7-16).