Q Doc, I am a little worried about my husband, who is showing a strange interest in lesbianism. I cannot understand why a guy should do this!
He is 37, and I am 35. We have been married for nearly 10 years, and I would say that ours has been a happy marriage. Our sex life together has been great. We have intercourse around three times for the week. I have never been unfaithful to him, and I do not think he has ever cheated on me.
But, doc, I have noticed something strange recently. One day he was working on his laptop - or at least, I thought he was working. I leaned over his shoulder and looked at the screen - and there was a picture of two beautiful girls, kissing each other's private parts.
He looked real embarrassed. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he had 'just got on to this site by accident'. But later that day I had a glance at his computer screen, and found that he had recently taken a look at two other sites called 'Lesbian 101' and 'Lipstick Lesbian'.
I was real shocked and upset by this, doc. I could not understand why he was looking at lesbian women when he had ME to have sex with! So, eventually, I decided to talk to him about it.
Well, he just laughed and said that it was a thing of no importance, but he admitted that he was turned on by the idea of what he called 'girl-girl' action. I said that he must be a pervert, and walked out of the room.
The next time we had sex, I tried to speak to him about it again. Much to my surprise, he revealed that he sometimes has fantasies of me 'making out' with another woman. Indeed, he got so excited about this idea that he discharged far too soon.
Since then, he has mentioned lesbianism several times while we have been making love. He says that he does NOT want me to go with another woman, but he is real turned on by the fantasy of me kissing a pretty girl.
I can see that there is an attraction in all this. In fact, I have to admit that the other day I sneaked a look at one of his lesbian websites and found myself feeling just a little horny. However, I can't help feeling that there is something real 'peculiar' about my husband's interest in women having sex together.
Do you think he is sick?
A No, I do not. I am sorry that you have been upset by all this, but I am sure everything will turn out OK.
Now, it is important for you to understand that huge numbers of guys - possibly even the majority - do get some kind of 'turn-on' by the idea of two beautiful girls hugging, kissing or having sex together.
I agree that that seems strange. But it is an undeniable fact. A great deal of the pornography that men read (in the form of books or magazines) or else look at (in the form of DVDs and videos) contains what is termed 'girl-girl action'.
Indeed, I checked on a computer yesterday, and found that if you type the words 'straight sex' into Google, you are offered just over three million websites. But if you type in the words 'lesbian sex', you are offered a staggering 27 million sites!
I really do not think that most of the people who are accessing these websites are lesbians. No, indeed, the great majority of the folks who look at them are clearly male.
Women are often bewildered as to WHY guys should show interest in female-female sex. I have asked several psychologists to try and give me an explanation for the phenomenon, but they don't seem to be able to come up with a complete answer.
However, they say that there are certain definite factors which attract men to the idea of 'girl-on-girl' sexuality. These are:
Guys think that if two breasts are good, then four breasts must be very good indeed.
Similarly, men tend to imagine that if one vagina is very attractive, then two must be more so.
A lot of males seem to like the sheer 'sexual abandonment' of one woman giving herself to another.
But whatever the cause of this widespread male feeling, there is no doubt that it is real powerful. Only recently I heard of an American guy who offered a pretty woman US$500 if she would kiss her friend in front of him. Apparently, she accepted.
Similarly, I can remember an occasion in Jamaica many years ago when a 'grand opera' film was showing at the old Odeon, Half-Way Tree. It became widely known that the first scene showed two beautiful sopranos in bed together. As a result, dozens of guys suddenly developed a great enthusiasm for operatic music, and insisted on going to see this movie …
So I do not think your husband is a pervert. He has simply shown an interest in a real common male fantasy. He does not seem to be obsessed with it. And it appears that he does NOT want you to leap into bed with your best friend.
If he ever suggested anything like that, tell him 'No!'
Q I am a guy who has to keep going and passing urine. This has been continuing for six years. I saw a doctor, who did a urine and blood test, and he said I had a 'weak bladder.' But he didn't cure me.
A The commonest cause of this symptom is a urine infection, but I presume the doc has ruled that out. Since you are having such a bad time, I think you must now go and see a urologist (that is, a urology surgeon) at the University Hospital. He could give you special tests and, I hope, cure you. Good luck.
Q I am a woman, and I have been suffering from a yeast infection in the vagina for six years. The medication from the doc only works for a little while, and then the trouble comes back again.
Why?
A Yeast infections, also known as 'thrush' or 'candida,' are real common in the vagina. They produce a thick, white discharge and itching.
Sounds to me like you are being reinfected by a partner. So get some of the anti-thrush cream and insist that he uses it on his penis three times for the day - over a period of a week. At the same time, you should use your own medication.
Other factors which can make this infection recur in the vagina are over-tight underwear, bathing too frequently in excessively hot water, and being diabetic. So, please have the urine tested for sugar - just in case.
Q When my common-law husband has sex with me he cannot ejaculate inside me. Why?
A Is he on any drug, like an anti-depressant, that would stop him having an orgasm?
If not, then he must have the male condition called 'Delayed Ejaculation', which you can look up on the Internet. To get this treated, he would need to see a psychotherapist. I wish you both well.
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