Reponse to last week's scenario

It's not raining men

In the last Helpline Scenario 'Frustrated' a 25-year-old Christian female lamented the absence of single men in the church and in Christian cirlces with whom she could go out on dates with.

Married men in the church however have expressed an interest in dating her. She wrote Helpline asking what should she do.

Dear Frustrated,

I am 30 years old and it's really not raining men in my corner either. In fact, there is a severe drought. Sometimes I think all my 'crops' are going to die and the 'land' will remain eternally arid and barren.

Anyhow, maybe if we reason, we can see the privilege we indeed have as single people. Yes, we are lonely, sex-starved, depressed, and the four walls seem as though they are about to come closing in on us.

Girl, I am one hot babe like yourself; professional but sexy suits, trendy but modest casual attire. The guys are just falling over me. But aaah! None of them really cares about worshipping God wholeheartedly. Some will even feign to be interested in the Bible and Christianity, but if you look beyond their superficial 'Christianity' you realise it's all a façade. They just want to get you in bed. Others will try to catch you with their money and expensive gifts. But hey, they stretch the gift with one hand, and with the other they try to 'push their hand under your crotch.' Girl it is truly frustrating. At the same time other girlfriends are dating, being courted and getting wed. So I ask myself, what's so wrong with me?

Restless, sexless

I say to my elders, why has God not rewarded me with a good husband to end the loneliness, to give me companionship, give me the 'licence' to enjoy sex. I walk upright, clean. What's the matter? God, I can barely hold back from masturbation, which indeed leaves me feeling sinful and dirty, even like a fornicator. But hey, every Christian wants God to come, but are they ready to meet him? Very likely we have weaknesses that we could use a bit more time to work on; another good deed to be done and more spirituality to attain. So, our singularity, though painful, affords more time to mould us as a better wife-to-be. It is terrible though, especially when we lie down to sleep, all we do is get sexually aroused and the fact that we have no one to lavish it on leaves us sleepless, restless and sexless.

I find myself singing Whitney Houston's I Wanna Run to You each time I turn my key. But have you thought of the possibility that God has a special eye on you, preparing that special someone for you; even carving him out only for you? So try not to try to force God's hand or push ahead by hastily choosing a mate or marrying an unbeliever. Don't "marry in haste then repent at leisure." Yes, it sounds hard to swallow, but trust me God knows us more than we do. He also knows what we really need.

Yes, you need to marry and not "burn". There is a scripture in the Psalms that says: "He will not hold back anything from those walking faultlessly." God has a timetable, we may find it slow, but its not so. Talk to God constantly. Supplicate him for his spirit to help you remain clean and chaste, because if we flirt or carry on indecent behaviour, such as making out constantly with different men, even in secret, God, sees us. If we carry on such loose behaviour, the good husband God carves out does not deserve a wife who is likely to cheat, because of the development of selfish, sexual-related practices before marriage.

Give it to the Lord

"Just take your burden to the Lord and leave it there."

In the meantime, get busy in learning a new language or how to play a musical instrument; help an elderly sister in the Christian congregation; wholesome activities. Remember too that marriage is not a bed of roses. It means distraction from spiritual activities. The apostle Paul at 1 Corinthians chapter 7 says that the wife will have to divide her attendance between her husband and the Lord. So, in the meantime, since you will be more stressed in marriage - yes: stressed; there is no stress-free marriage, you may even find that you miss your days of singularity when you get married. Your husband doesn't like porridge, he doesn't like eggs, he wants his food salt-free, but you are quite the opposite. For instance, your husband does not take sugar at all, but you have a sugar tooth. It will not be an eternal romance, sex and oochy coochy physical attachments. You may want to go to see a movie as you always do, but huzzy says no you can't. You argue that you are an adult, but who's the boss here? You better believe it!

So enjoy yourself and appreciate your ultimate freedom that you have now. God cares and provides for the tiny sparrow, do you think he will fail to see what you need and supply it? Supplicate God. "Keep seeking and you will find, keep knocking and it will be open unto you!" Keep clean before God and he "will give you the desires of your heart."

I am, etc.,