Q. Doc, I urgently need your advice about how my girlfriend and I can lose our virginity together. I am 17, and she is 16. Please reply ASAP.We have tried to have sex, but it hasn't gone too well, and I have not been able to get in. So please give us some help, right away!
I think that her vagina is quite tight. Anyway, it was too difficult for me to enter her. And then I started losing my erection, so it was all over.
I am puzzled, doc. What is wrong?
A. Well, many young couples have great difficulty when they first try to have sex together. For instance, I have known people who got married as virgins, and who were not able to have intercourse till they had been together for five years or more! So having sex is NOT as easy as many folk imagine.
In this case, your girlfriend is very young. It could be that her body is telling her that she is too young for sex. So maybe her vaginal muscles don't want to relax and let you in.
You yourself are also pretty young, so I would urge you to take things easy. Before you have another try at having intercourse with this girl, please consider the following matters:
Is she protected against pregnancy - in other words, are you two using contraception?
STI risks: I hope you are both aware of the risks of sexually- transmitted infections (STIs) - though, admittedly, these are unlikely at the moment, since neither of you has had sex with anyone else;
Is this girl emotionally mature enough to cope with a full sexual relationship?
Does she know that early teenage sex can increase the risks of cancer of the cervix?
Frankly, I expect that despite what I have just said, you and she will make further efforts to have intercourse. So, I am now going to give some basic advice for couples who are trying to lose their virginity together.
'Getting in' for the first time is generally not easy, because the girl may be uptight, and the man may be too. It is a good idea to use a sex lubricant - though please avoid Vaseline if you are employing a condom. This is because petroleum-based lubricants are liable to make HOLES in 'rubbers'!
Importantly, it is essential to make sure that the young woman is relaxed and happy - and not fretting about anything. First, sex is best achieved in a comfortable, cool, romantic bedroom, where you both know that there is no danger of being interrupted.
Next, it is vital that the girl's natural 'love juices' are flowing. These are nature's own lubricant. The way to get them flowing is to give the lady plenty of erotic stimulation over a period of around 15 to 30 minutes, by using love play techniques. If you do not know how to do basic love play, then it is doubtful you should be trying to have intercourse.
Anyway, I shall explain some of these techniques in a future Gleaner column. Watch this space!
When the moment for first entry approaches, it is very important for the guy to take things gradually. Entry will be much easier if he holds back the woman's labia (that is, her vaginal lips), so as to expose the fairly narrow passage between them. A is for the woman to do the 'holding back' herself.
As to the actual moment of entry, this can very often go wrong, especially if the new lovers are anxious or tense. Researchers in the United States have found that there is a better chance of easy penetration if the woman is ABOVE the man, rather than underneath him.
This is called the female superior position.
First-time intercourse is often a nerve-racking business, and it can put considerable stress on the young man, since he is venturing into unfamiliar territory.
The usual result of this is that the boy gets real worried - and because he is fretting, he may begin to lose his erection. You see, it is a basic rule of sexology that a guy cannot have a good erection while he is fretting about something! This is because worry creates certain chemicals that flow through the bloodstream to the penis, and stop it from being stiff.
Summing up, first intercourse is often quite a tricky business, and can often go badly wrong. Of all the tips I have given above, the most important one is to create a relaxed and romantic atmosphere.
Q. I am a 65-year-old guy, and very fit. I am having a real great sex life with my wife, doc.
But how long can I expect this to continue, before I have to give up?
A. You will probably be able to continue for many years, if you and your wife both want to.
A good statistic to remember is that at age 70, around 70 per cent of guys are still potent. But if you keep fit and healthy, you can go on much longer than that.
And, thanks to the arrival of drugs like Viagra, these days there are plenty of men who are still having sex in their 80s - or even 90s. Times have certainly changed!
Q. I have a friend who is sexually active, doing oral sex. Recently, she told me that one of her men had discharged in her mouth.
Can she get pregnant in this way?
A. I wonder, are you really talking about YOURSELF - rather than your friend?
Anyway, it is impossible to become pregnant from oral sex. The only known case in medical history occurred when - most unfortunately - a woman was stabbed in the belly just after giving a guy fellatio. The knife wound created a passage that enabled the sperms to get from her stomach to her womb.
However, I am concerned by the fact that your friend is giving oral sex to a number of guys. Is she aware that sexual infections, including gonorrhoea, can be transmitted that way?
Q. I have been told I have an ulcer in the stomach. But what is that, doc?
A. It is a raw place in the stomach. It usually causes pain in the upper part of the belly. Fortunately, these days it can often by cured by medication and a sensible diet.
Q. Doc, I am a guy of 20 and every time I have sex my foreskin tears a little. Then it is so painful I can hardly wash it.
A. Your problem is a common one. You need to have a doc check out your penis. The odds are that you will need to take a circumcision operation. However, it is possible that the doctor will be able to correct the problem by prescribing some special cream for you. Good luck.
