Tym Glaser

THE SKY is falling, the sky is falling …

The West Indies Cricket 'Bored' has hired another Australian to coach the regional side and lead it further into international sporting purgatory.

If Bennett King and his sidekick David Moore weren't bad enough, the powers-that-be have now opted for Johnny Dyson, a good average Test opener, who had some success as a coach with Sri Lanka.

The WICB should well and truly have learnt the lesson by now that these Aussie imports simply don't get the Caribbean culture, let alone understand one word of Jamaican patois or the Bajan twang.

Honestly, now, what would an Australian know about our laidback lifestyle fashioned under the sun and upon the beach, drinking rum and beer while checking out the hotties and talking sport?

And, to r, what have the Aussies ever done for world cricket, anyway?

Best test side?

Sure, they've won a few World Cups in a row and some people claim they have probably been the best Test side in the world for the past decade, big deal.

Nobody likes playing 'em because they take it all too seriously. They play too hard and cuss bad words at the drop of a hat. They want to win all the time, against everybody, and is that really the attitude we want to bring to our calypso cricket? Nah, sah.

Make them stay in their southern hemisphere yards, I say. The last thing the struggling West Indian players need right now is another backra massa cluttering their minds with how the men from Down Under do things.

Watch tapes! Study opponents' flaws! Work on techniques and tactics! You've got to be crazy, mon.

Where the heck is the fun in that? Much better if we picked one of our own like Big Phil Simmons.

Now there was a man that never took things too seriously and he would be able to lime with the guys, no problem. Curfews, cho, y'all go to bed when Big Phil goes to bed and that could be mighty late.

Gus Logie was a pretty cool dude too. He could work and, don't forget, they've both got coaching experience - Phil with Ireland and Gus with Bermuda, two World Cup teams that.

But no, the board has mashed it all up again and now we have to deal with another 'Johnny-come-lately' from the other side of the world.

Don't worry though, I'm sure Ram, Chris and the rest of the boys will soon run 'im. Then we'll finally get one of our own and everything will be copasetic.

Later …

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