Sacha Walters, Staff Reporter

Dr. Errol Daley, consultant gynaecologist. - Winston Sill/Freelance Photographer

Pregnancy is impossible without sex, but during those nine months, the sex act can become complicated for a couple.

"When the nausea and cramping set in, you don't want to have sex," said Shari,who is nine weeks pregnant.

"I haven't French kissed since, because I can't take the pressure on my tongue," she said, explaining that it makes her nauseous.

The lack of interest was similar for Charmaine,who only actively had sex for the first three months of her pregnancy. "I love sex," she said, but her desires quickly dwindled when she became pregnant.

"It was just weird. You have a child inside you, but you just don't feel sexy," she said.

The other side of the scenario is like day is to night.

Some weeks ago, Shari woke from a vivid erotic dream, her body pulsing as if she had an actual orgasm. It would mark the first of four she would have that week.

Six months into Charmaine's pregnancy, a sudden sexual yearning took her over and she made love with her then fiancé after abstaining for months.

"It was raining and I just told him to come and get me. That night was fun."

Dr. Errol Daley, consultant gynaecologist at Gynae Associates, said this is normal for a pregnant woman as she is going through a myriad of physical and psychological changes, which will influence her interest in sexual intercourse. This includes nausea, her bodily functions slowing down and her self-esteem ebbing and waning, because of how she feels about her looks.

But sex is a healthy and normal exercise between a pregnant couple who are given a clean bill of health by their doctor.

"There's nothing wrong with it. There's no sex that's bad sex," Dr. Daley said, providing that both partners are not experiencing any physical or psychological pain from the act. In fact, Dr. Daley said it plays an important role in helping to keep their relationship alive.

"Each couple willhave to find the positions they are most comfortable with," he said, which will differ as the woman's body changes. Some of the common positions include the woman sitting on top, the man entering from behind or both partners lying on their side.

Both women concurred that they utilised the positions suggested by their doctors, and while they do feel restricted, the sex is still pleasurable.

Despite being told by their doctors it's safe, many couples are still apprehensive.

Shari and her husband Roydidn't do so until two weeks after they found out about their child.

"I didn't want to damage the baby," Roy said, a feeling which is fairly common, according to Dr. Daley, especially with first-time pregnancies.

"We're looking at someone who wants this child so they'll be a little apprehensive because they don't want to hear that they went and had sex and did something to their child," he said.

According to www.webmd.com, the baby will also benefit when the mother has an orgasm as it too will get an endorphin rush. Dr. Daley added that the woman does not have to orgasm in order for sex to be pleasurable as endorphins are released in the body during intercourse which will benefit both mother and child.

The act can also be a new experience for the man. Shari's husband, Roy, said while his wife's interest in sex fluctuates, his desire for her remains the same.

"I know that it's still the same person. Her skin still looks good, she still looks good. It's just that her belly is big," Roy said, adding he doesn't think his feelings will change when her pregnancy becomes more obvious.

Shari said he especially likes the physical changes in her as her breasts, hips and buttocks have grown.

Roy explained that he can't be as spontaneous as before. "You have to take your time. You can't in a moment of passion turn her around or grab her breast. Yuh can't do that," Roy said, but when they have sex they are both pleasured.

While he has no reservations about performing oral sex on his wife, he has not during the pregnancy as yet.

But for when the couple is not interested in sex, there are options. Charmaine and her husband found that simply caressing each other and going out on dinner dates brought them closer together.

Dr. Daley said it's essential that the woman's partner is understanding which played an integral role for Charmaine's comfort.

Names changed

sacha.walters@gleanerjm.com