Glenford Smith, Contributor

It took a split second for Nicky to do something totally uncharacteristic - something she afterwards confessed embarrassment for having done.

She looked down at her well-dressed self and then looked up at the increasing downpour. Then she sprinted across to where he was standing and opened her mouth.

These words came out: "Hi! Would you give me a ride just up to ..."

He looked at her, and responded, "Yes, of course." She quickly got in out of the rain. Three minutes later, she was at her destination, giving her sweetest 'thank you' to which he responded, curiously, "Thank you!" But then Nicky felt embarrassed and wondered what she had just done.

Embarrassment

Why her embarrassment? Here's her reason: "I don't know why I did it. I didn't think. I am now embarrassed because I stepped out of who I was and asked this stranger for a ride. It's not in me to beg people for anything or ask favours. I like to be independent I asked and got through, I am now very embarrassed about it."

Sounds familiar? It is for many people. Not asking for help is one of the major causes of failure. It is one of the greatest obstacles people face in their quest to succeed at work, school or in relationships.

Why are people afraid to ask? They want to maintain an image - keep up appearances. After all, who wants to look needy, foolish, ignorant or stupid? And even more unthinkable - suppose you ask and are rejected? Omy gosh - wouldn't that be terrible!

Thinking like this will cripple your ambitions. Asking is the most neglected secret to success. How do you learn to ask? Do what Nicky did - or rather what she didn't - don't think - just ask. Take off the mask of pride, super-competence and self-sufficiency. People can't help you if you hide your need. Be humble and vulnerable - and watch yourself succeed.

Don't assume you'll get a no. Be bold. Take a risk and ask for the sale, the loan, suggestions, advice, support, or an opportunity.

Even the Bible teaches: "The reason you don't have is because you don't ask. Ask and you will receive."

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by asking. If they say yes, you win. If they say no - you don't lose anything except maybe face; but so what, it was just a mask anyway. Take off the mask and ask.

Glenford Smith is a peak performance and self-esteem coach. Email him at glenfordsmith@yahoo.com.