Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson

Dear Counsellor:

I am a new parent and sometimes become overwhelmed with my parenting duties. Sometimes I am not sure what to do. My mother is deceased and I only have my friends to guide me.

- Andrea

Dear Andrea:

Parenting is a challenging, yet rewarding job. It will be the most important job that any parent will ever have. Child rearing is multifaceted, ranging from the physical, social, emotional, educational, behavioural and spiritual.

It is good to seek the help of others. There are various magazines and books devoted to parenting and childcare. The most important thing is to do no harm and think safety at all times. We have instinct and awareness, and should make good use of them.

As parents, we model behaviour and activities for our children. Children do as we do and not as we say. We need to socially interact with our children in a warm and nurturing way. Children need to be hugged, played with, massaged and touched. It is during these precious moments that we can talk about life and help them to talk about feelings and problems that concern them.

In infancy, children are dependent beings and parents have to make a lot of sacrifice. Some parents take time off from their career to spend time with young children. It is difficult to juggle career and childcare and sometimes we have to make wise decisions. Parenting is only for a short while because babies grow up to be adults who are independent.

It is the nurturing that infants receive that allows them to be warm, loving people. If you have a helper, you need to supervise her closely to ensure that she cares for the infant correctly. You will realise that people have varying views on child rearing and so you will have to examine what is told to you and make choices.

End-of-life issues

Dear Counsellor:

My grandmother is quite elderly and we have great difficulty in taking care of her. She tends to be irritable at times and doesn't want to socialise. I encourage her to use the phone to speak with friends and family. Is something wrong with my grandmother?

- Ms. Brown

Dear Ms. Brown:

The elderly have psychological issues to deal with and sometimes struggle with mental illness. Some elderly people have to deal with loneliness, isolation and loss of independence. The dependency issues can be very relevant in the way they affect an individual's behaviour. Some elders are immobile or restricted to their home. Once, they were able to do whatever they wish without asking for help. Now, someone has to feed them or bathe them.

Many elders become depressed and need to be treated for this depression. Some elders develop dementia, which affects their daily lives. It is important that we look at the social life of the individual. Individuals need to interact with others positively. This lack of positive interaction can produce loneliness. Depending on the age of the person, her friends and family may have died. The elderly, therefore, have to mourn her losses and adjust to her current state.

One of the reasons for mood problems is the issue of impending death. The elderly have to face the reality that friends and family have died and one day soon it will be her turn. Some people become worried and afraid, while others become clinically depressed. One of the helpful activities has to do with spirituality. An individual needs to look at her relationship with God and examine how she thinks and acts. Knowing that there is a higher power than us will help to relieve some of the stress about dying.

Take your grandmother to the doctor to identify whether or not she is clinically depressed or has a dementia. Medication is helpful as well as lots of support.

Email Dr. Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at yvonniebd@hotmail.com.