Ivret Williams

Dear Counsellor:

I am a 38-year-old Christian female who lives alone, with no children. There are times when I enjoy single life but at other times I get really depressed. I am not dating anyone right now and have not dated for the past three years and even those dates that I had were mostly with non-Christian men. How can I keep from feeling depressed?

- Andrea

Dear Andrea:

There are many factors relating to your singleness that could be causing depression. Society considers it normal for a person to be married by the time they reach 30.

With each passing year, the person begins to feel depressed. For some, especially for those who had been sexually active, there is frustration due to the lack of physical or sexual fulfilment. Also, you may be comparing yourself with friends and family who have got married and your maternal instinct may be tired of playing the 'aunt' role to other people's children.

Financially better

One's biological family or church family does not make it any easier as they will constantly bring up the subject of marriage. Added to that, from an economic standpoint, a married person is often financially better off than a single person. Having said all that, for you to get over your depression you must revisit your thoughts about singleness. Your thoughts will influence the way you feel and your feeling will determine how you behave.

Your behaviour may lead you to feeling a sense of despair which may result in you getting involved in some regrettable relationships. There are many benefits to being single if you should take the time to look. As a Christian, strive to be thankful for your present status or you may become engulfed by anger and resentment which could result in depression.

Ivret Williams is a counselling psychologist. Email letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com.