Q Doc, we are a recently-married young couple, and we do not know much about sex. Our parents were real strict, and did not tell us a lot. We are both aged 21. We would like to have babies in a year or two, when we have a little more money.
Both of us were virgins when we met. We do like having sex with each other. The problem is that we have no idea of how a husband must make the wife discharge. We have now had the sexual intercourse on around 20 occasions, but so far not much luck with achieving that 'female discharge'.
It does happen sometimes, but not always. This is frustrating. So doc, can you tell us what we must do?
A. Thank you for your question. Similar problems affect many 'young marrieds' - especially when they do not know a lot about sex.
It is good that you both enjoy having intercourse together. However, there is one slight problem with sexual intercourse, and it is this.
During intercourse, there is very little stimulation of the woman's clitoris. In case you do not know what the clitoris is, it is that little reddish 'button' located a little above the opening of the vagina. It is of tremendous importance - because unless this small organ is stimulated in some way, it is unlikely that the lady will discharge.
Therefore, what you must do is to make sure that the clitoris does receive a lot of stimulation:
Before intercourse
During intercourse
If necessary, after intercourse.
There are two main ways in which the husband can stimulate the wife's clitoris: with his hands, and with his mouth. However, it is obvious that he cannot use his mouth on her clitoris during intercourse.
So for today, I will concentrate on things which you can do with your hands to help your wife. I shall return to the subject of 'mouth caresses' on another occasion.
There are many different things which a guy can do to the clitoris with his hands. But the first thing you must do is to make sure you know where it is! If you are not sure, get hold of a book which contains a diagram of the female anatomy. Once you have found the clitoris, make sure that it is well lubricated. Rubbing on a 'dry' clitoris can cause discomfort or even pain - and is not likely to help.
Most skilled guys lubricate the clitoris by 'scooping up' a little of the woman's vaginal juices. Saliva can also be helpful. And these days, there are good artificial lubricants available from pharmacies.
I would recommend that you do not 'rush' your approach to the clitoris. Take everything gently, caressing other parts of the body first, and approaching the 'clit' over a period of (say) 10 minutes.
Then, start by simply using the tips of your well-lubricated fingers to make a 'circling' movement around the clitoris. Also, try rubbing gently up and down, to either side of it. Do not press too hard. Vary the speed of your movements.
Then be guided by what the lady wants! If she says that stimulation in a particular spot is good, then that is the place to rub.
To begin with, you will find that stroking the clitoris during actual intercourse is not easy. But it can be done! Good luck.
QDoc, I am 19, female, and have got a scholarship to a college in the U.S.A. During last term, I shared a room with a girl from New York. One night, when we heard a bad fuss outside, she said she was frightened and she came into my bed. We ended up having some kind of sex. To my surprise, she made me discharge - and she discharged too. Since then, we have not discussed the matter.
I have read what you have written in The Gleaner about lesbianism, and I am wondering if I am one. I am fretting a lot about this, doc. To be honest, I do not really know what lesbians do. Can you explain to me? I have heard that it is something connected with 'imitation male organs'.
Also, is lesbianism illegal in the U.S.A.? Someone told me that it is not illegal in Portland, where my family live - and where I shall be returning soon.
A. OK, let me deal first with this question of legality. In the U.S.A., each state has its own laws. You do not say which state your college is situated in. Long ago, some states used to prohibit lesbianism, but these days prosecutions are almost unknown.
However, it is possible that you could get into trouble with your college authorities for having sexual activity with another girl. So be warned!
I am not sure if you mean that you are thinking of engaging in lesbianism when you get home to Portland. In fact, 'woman-to-woman' sex activity was never banned under the Jamaican law. This is said to be because of the fact that back in the 19th century, no one dared to ask Queen Victoria to sign a law which mentioned such a shocking activity!
Now, I will turn to you. I am not at all convinced that you really are a lesbian. Research done in the U.S. has shown that around 20 per cent of female college students try some sort of 'girl-girl' action, as you have done. You are only 19, so it is quite possible you will turn out to be 'straight'.
Finally, you ask what lesbian women do. The story you have heard about using 'artificial male organs' to stimulate each other does have some truth in it. Indeed, in America it is real easy to buy 'strap-on' devices of that sort.
However, most lesbians simply go in for caressing each other with the fingers and lips - in much the same way as skilled heterosexual lovers do. Recent research in France suggests that lesbians are often real good at making each other discharge.
My advice to you: do not be in a rush about deciding on your sexuality. Do not get yourself into trouble with the rules of your college. And consider ceasing to 'room share' with this other girl. That way, you will avoid temptation.
QOn a visit to Montego Bay, I somehow got pregnant during a party. Unfortunately, this was towards the end of my menses. Will the baby be OK, doc?
A. Yes. As you probably know, there is a myth which says that a child who is conceived during the menses will be 'a red child.' But that is not true.
QIs it OK to eat raw eggs, doc?
A. I certainly would not recommend it. Eggs sometimes contain germs, such as salmonella. Fortunately, thorough cooking kills them.
QMy vagina is too loose for my guy, because I have had five children. Is it true that a woman in my situation can use one of those vibrators things to make sex better?
A. Yes. If you obtain a small vibrator, and then put it into your vagina during sex, that will make everything feel less 'loose'.
However, you should also be building up the vaginal muscles by doing 'Pelvic Floor Exercises' - which any midwife or nurse can teach you. And it would be worth considering taking a 'repair' operation to tighten everything up.
QMy brother, who is 21, says he has been hearing 'holy voices' in his head, telling him to beware of the cops. Why is this happening, doc?
A. Sounds like he is developing the severe mental illness called schizophrenia, which most commonly affects young adults in the 20 to 25 age group. Sufferers tend to hear imaginary voices, and to be convinced that large organisations (like the police) are plotting against them.
Please get your brother to a doc this week.
QDoc, am I right in thinking that the coffee I drink in the evening is keeping me awake at night?
A. Yes. Coffee contains caffeine, which helps keep people awake. Try avoiding coffee after four o'clock in the afternoon.
Alternatively, try and get yourself some 'decaffeinated' coffee.
QWhenever my loving boy friend has sex with me, I notice that his liquid runs out of me afterwards. Does this mean I cannot become pregnant, doc?
A. No. It is normal for a guy's fluid to run out of the vagina shortly after sex. A lot of ladies do not realise this - and think there must be something wrong. But it is OK.
