Shelly-Ann Thompson, Freelance Writer

"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body."

1 Corinthians 6 verse 18:

The quote from the Holy Book of Christians explicitly sets out the rules regarding sexual intercourse for singles. Like others, Christians experience strong sexual urges. Some fall into fornication or sexual activities as revealed in last week's article.

Craig McNally, counselling therapist said single Christians must have integrity. "It is not easy (to remain celibate)," said Mr. McNally.

"One has to develop a desire to be a person of integrity, and then walk out a life of integrity. It is a process of change, learning to redirect desires," he continued.

Sex as a topic within the church, encourages believers to curb sexual urges and fornication, said Rev'd. Conrad Thomas.

"Young people need to be schooled about their sexuality. Sex is luring them (youth) away and preventing them from coming. So it should be taken like a bull by the horn," said Rev. Thomas.

Richard, 26, said that recently he was informed at a youth group meeting that more than 75 per cent of non-Christians have had some form of sexual encounter. This brings more proof that containing sexual urges is a big issue among Christians.

"Sexual urges are not sinful. It is how you deal with them, because it is a natural part of being a human," said Rev'd. Thomas.

However, young Christians want to know about their sexuality. They seek information from peer counsellors at church or from friends. Sex is also a major sin within the church as it is not openly and properly addressed. Sex is often taboo within the church.

"Even if church leaders and elders are addressing questions about sex, we are not answering the right questions that the youth are asking," said Rev'd. Thomas.

"Within themselves, young Christians are having serious issues with their whole sexuality. They are testing and trying to distinguish between the facts and reality and the dangers of pre-marital sex," added Rev'd. Thomas.

Masturbation, added McNally, is one of the most frequent topics asked about by single Christians.

"They ask if it is okay to masturbate. They do not want to sin against God but yet want to fulfil their sexual desires."

On the flip side, wrong attitudes such as it is, 'better to marry than to burn' (marry rather than to fight sexual urges), are also learned behaviour.

This he said results in couples experiencing martial problems.

"They are hooked up and forced into marriage because the leaders encouraged marriage once persons reach a certain age. Some end up marrying the wrong person. The Bible does not mean that because there is a male and female you should get married. It does not work like that," said McNally who has been a Christian for 10 years.

There is also the view: 'Naw follow parson and marry no puss in a bag' (marrying a woman without knowing her sexual capabilities). That is really a worldly philosophy which puts in perspective that many people get married because of sex."

McNally also said, many persons who engage in sexual intercourse did so out of depression or loneliness.

Still, fornication often occurs among some Christians because they do it and then pray for forgiveness. WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP BECOMES SEXUAL

1. Tell sexual jokes.

2. Feel it's okay to make sexual comments about you.

3. Ask questions such as about your body or intimate relationships.

4. Share private sexual information with you that is out of a context or time frame of your relationship.

"It is not that you cannot do the above but what are the motives, tone, posture. The context and tone of conversation are important," said Mr. McNally.

Getting into sexual encounters

1) Establish boundaries in conversations and proximity (space, house and at what time, what you will talk about on the phone, with text messages or on the internet, that through e-mail, you allow persons to send to you).

2) Be a part of a church that sees sex as a gift from God. Sex is celebrated.

Ways of overcoming your sexual urges

1. Have an accountability partner. Someone whom you trust and who will not condemn you if you fall, but will shake you up. Pray with you about this.

2. The Bible said offer the instrument of your body. So offer your genitals to God and use them to serve him and not to manipulate others.

3. Do not go around saying that you are not struggling when you are, especially to persons who can help.

4. Spend time in prayer, group activity, occupy your mind (read, write, focus on academic path).

5. If in a relationship, group date.

6. Seek godly counsel: the devil loves secrecy. Be open with God, talk and pray to Him. Confess to Him your sexual urges.

7. Attend conferences and sessions: speak with individual about your sexual brokenness.

Mr. McNally is also the executive director of Working Initiative and Resources for Empowerment and Development (W.I.R.E.D ) a counselling agency for sexual brokeness.

* Name changed.