ABA GAYLE'S daughter was murdered in 1980 at the age of 19. Her murderer was sent to death row at California State Prison in San Quentin in 1982.
But, Aba Gayle recalls, "(after his conviction) I continued to struggle through many years of grief, anger, and rage."
The mother nursed her bitterness until one day in April 1992, she says, "I was directed by a loud, clear voice that I must forgive the man who murdered my daughter and that I must let him know."
She wrote a letter and offered forgiveness and sent blessings from Christ to the killer. This woman says, "The act of mailing this letter gave me instant release from deep anger and rage. In its place I was filled with love, joy, and peace."
According to the Oxford dictionary, forgiveness is giving up resentment against someone; it is pardoning someone. In other places, the act has been described as 'the elimination
of all desire for revenge and personal ill will toward those who deeply wrong or betray us'.
Who benefits when we decide to hold on to thoughts of revenge and hate?
According to counselling psychologist, Benita Morrison, who is an associate at Family Life Ministries in Kingston, forgiveness is important as, in addition to emotional healing research has also shown that there are
physical problems as a result
of unforgiveness.
Constant feelings of resentment are accompanied in some individuals by nervousness,
hostility, and anger. The feelings of anxiety, and sometimes depression, placed a lot of stress on the body. The effects of stress have been well documented. According to Miller (1998) and Pike (1997), stress and upsetting emotions can affect the immune system in ways that cause susceptibility to disease.
"From the outset, I would say a big NO! Forgiving is never a mistake," she contends.
It is obvious that the individual who is being asked to forgive is one who has been wronged, hurt, or injured in some way. That
person has a reason to feel resentment to want revenge. You may say, 'How can I forgive someone who has hurt me so much', or 'I won't forgive him/her because he/she needs to pay for what he/she has been done. I am not the one at fault, so why am I being asked to forgive?'
Writer Noel F. McInnis (2001) gives a number of reasons for forgiveness, quoting several other writers:
Resentment has been compared to holding on to a burning ember with the intention of throwing it at another, all the while burning yourself. When we feel resentful, we feel strongly the pain of the past again and again. Not only does this take an obvious and dramatic toll on our emotional well-being, it can powerfully and negatively impact our physical well-being as well.
- Robin Casarjian
