THIS IS the story of a 30-year-old woman who was the victim of incest. For about a decade, she was forced to satisfy her father's sick lust for her young body. INCEST IS the use of a minor to satisfy the sexual needs of an adult, who is in a relationship of authority and has an ongoing emotional bond with the child. I am writing from a daughter's perspective.
Incest destroys a daughter's mind, soul and self-worth. A father who feels compelled to taste of the 'first fruits' of his daughter's body; administers a death-sentence to her self-esteem and worth.
This indecent relationship with the first man that any daughter learns to love - her father inevitably causes a severe degree of dysfunction in her future relations. I am 30 years old and an incest survivor.
SEXUAL ABUSE
My father's sexual abuse began when I was nine years old, and increased throughout my teenage years, until adulthood (during the years that my mother/his wife travelled overseas to pursue her goals).
I had amnesia during my father's years of sexual abuse; and was devoid of emotion. I feared him, as he exhibited volatile/psychotic traits, and threatened to commit suicide on several occasions.
The memories emerged in snippets about four years ago. At that time, I believed that I was insane and that my dreams and flashbacks were fabrications until they formed complete images, and details of events that were traceable and verifiable. I was ashamed, disgusted and hated myself.
Fully armed with these memories and the constant verbal abuse that I was experiencing from my father, I left his home at age 27.
I subsequently spoke to him by telephone from the safety of an undisclosed location and informed him what I had remembered. Further, that I would not inform anyone of his misconduct, nor would there be any enmity between us, if he confessed.
He rejected my offer and embarked on a smear campaign which spanned childhood friends, colleagues, family friends and anyone who would listen and believe him that I was mentally unstable, and a lesbian. Almost everyone who he contacted believed because of his reputable position in the society, and I was alienated.
The lesbian allegation was the most demeaning, as a male family member visited my office to 'beat some sense into me'. He was thwarted only because I was in court, when he came to execute his judgement. My mother, when contacted regarding my father's sexual abuse, informed me that I was an adult and "should get over it".
God has since sent me a mother. She has been my strength and strongest supporter, for the past three and a half years. Three years later, my father finally confessed and is seeking counselling.
CHRIST ENCOUNTER
I am a survivor, because through my recent Christ encounter, I am JUST learning how to accept and love myself. The memories and frequent nightmares of my past have scarred me in ways that I cannot quantify.
Although I have forgiven my father, I am unable to face, nor be near him, although we converse by telephone, occasionally. The 'fruits' that I have reaped are failed relationships, broken promises, and emotional numbness. I do not know what a man's genuine love is, and would love to experience it, but I am intensely afraid.
Fathers, consider this impassioned plea: Before touching your daughters in any illicit way for pleasure, remember that the scars that remain last for a lifetime and the damage is often irreversible and irreparable. Please, fathers, do not touch!
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