Michael Reckord, ContributorUNDER DISCUSSION, as Artie and I sat on his verandah the other afternoon, was the reason for Portia's success in the recent PNP presidential elections.
My young friend kept shaking his head as I read some of the opinions of various letter writers and columnists in the week's newspapers.
Those opinions included the following: Portia's win was 'a victory of hope over the arrogance and class and gender bias within the PNP'; or was 'due to the dignified manner in which she conducted herself during her campaign', or because 'she has a way of making the least among us feel important', or 'she seems bent on changing the status quo', or 'she has shown she is a woman who is willing to stand up for what she believes in, even at the cost of being ostracised by her colleagues', or 'she has a magnetic presence and the ability to appeal to the populace'.
"One columnist even wrote," I added, "that her victory was predicted a year ago by Rev. Dr Philip Phinn, and might have been ordained by God."
Artie shrugged. "Plausible suggestions, Dads. But none of them touches on her central, winning strategy."
"You know it?"
BAR TALK
Artie touched his portable tape recorder lying on the verandah table. "I heard it being discussed by party insiders in yellow and orange shirts an hour after the prime minister declared Portia the winner of the contest, and I taped the conversation."
"Where was this?"
"In a bar near PNP headquarters."
"Bar talk! Cogent analysis, no doubt."
My sarcasm was lost on Artie, who asked, "Want to hear it?"
I nodded and he pressed the Play lever.
Man 1: Well, comrade, you won the bet. Your man won.
Man 2: Lady. My lady win. You mus' treat ar wid respect.
Man 1: Sorry, it was just an expression.
Man 2: Jus watch you expression from now on. Sister P is now wi president, and she will soon be wi prime minister.
Man 1: True, and I owe you a drink.
Man 2: Buy mi a whites on de rocks. What you having?
Man 1: Whiskey.
Man 3: I'll have whiskey, too.
Man 1: Buy you own.
Man 3: All right, but when my leader get into power --
Man 2: Him nah mek it to Jamaica House.
Man 3: Why not?
Man 2: Him can't operate de Portia strategy.
Man 3: Which is--?
SECRET STRATEGY
Man 1: (after a silence) Tell us, nuh.
Man 3: Oh, you don't know either?
Man 1: If I knew, my candidate would've won.
Man 2: No, him couldn't operate it neidah.
Man 1: So, what's her secret?
Man 2: Her kiss.
Man 3: What?
Man 2: She kiss every seventh person she meet.
Man 1: You joking!
Man 2: No. If oonu was checking Sister P pictures in de papers, oonu coulda work it out fah youself. Approximately one outa every seven pictures of her dat appear show har kissing somebody.
Man 1: It doesn't follow.
Man 3: You not being logical.
Man 2: Maybe de ratio is not exact, but dat was her strategy, and she going use it in de next general election. An she going win.
Man 3: There are two and a half million people in Jamaica. That's a lot of kissing.
Man 2: Don't you worry. She fit, and she up to it. So who buying de nex round?
As Artie turned off the tape recorder, I said, "You know, I figured out that the first man who spoke was wearing an orange shirt and belonged to the Solid as a Rock campaign, and the second one was in yellow and a Team Portia man. But the third man puzzles me."
"Oh, the third man wore green," Artie said.
