HEATHER BROWNhad a very high level of appreciation for her child's nanny until the day she proved conclusively that she was removing items of her clothing from the home.
Forced to fire her, she then went into emotional withdrawal, traumatised by what in her mind amounted to treachery and the need to replace the nanny with somebody new.
"I find it totally disrupting. It has totally uprooted my sense of trust and safety. I miss her and wish I had her back. She was so good. She took ownership of my daughter. She loved her and at the same time gave me space," this woman said.
The first-time mom has asked Outlook to look at the issue of choosing nannies, noting that individuals are often at the mercy of agencies which do not check references as thoroughly as they should.
ANXIETY
The response comes from family counsellor and director of Smart Parenting, Dr. Sharon Johnson, who notes that, for many new parents, especially working mothers, the thought of choosing someone to leave their very young child with creates a lot of anxiety.
"The worst moments are the early days, right after the completion of maternity leave and heading back to the workplace; parents often feel torn between work and home," the counsellor notes.
According to Dr. Johnson, many women have told her that they momentarily contemplated leaving their jobs in order to be home with their children. However, because of their financial needs which increase with the birth of children, they are unable to do so.
Choosing domestic assistance should take place at least a month to a few weeks before it is actually needed.
This allows time for children to make adjustments to the adult they will have to trust to take care of them and meet their basic needs.
There are some important things to consider in choosing the appropriate person to be with your child when you are unable to be there.
FOCUS
First of all, ask yourself, do you want someone who will focus on keeping house and keep an eye on your young child as well, or someone who has only kept house and has no childcare knowledge or experience? If this is what you are looking for, then you would hire someone who may have had a child but has little childcare experience. This might be appropriate for children over seven years of age.
However, this might compromise the needs of your young child. We often assume that caring for young children and nurturing them is second nature to all women. However, life experiences vary and this is not always the case. The person you choose for the job might neither have the skills nor the heart for taking care of your child like you would.
LIGHT HOUSEWORK
Another option is that of choosing someone who will do light housework but whose primary focus will be on your child. This person most likely, has some training or experience with children and many families have opted to employ older women who become like a grandparent.
Yet another option is to select someone who has been trained in childcare. In Jamaica today, there are many programmes throughout the island that offer six-month to one-year courses in childcare and development. Many of these programmes offer their participants certification and are capable of linking caregivers with interested parents or make referrals when requested.
This is one way of ensuring that your child receives what is considered to be best practice in childcare today.
It is important to also consider the character of the individual who will be spending more 'awake hours' with your child than you. As children develop, they tend to adopt many of the characteristics and behaviours of those they spend time with. Your helper or nanny should be an extension of you
and be able to represent you well to your children.
It is your job to set routines for your children' s care and see to it that all aspects of their development are cared for as needed by the caregiver.
A helper or nanny is NOT a substitute parent. Your time and involvement in your child's life is invaluable to their development. It is impossible to 'pay' someone to parent you child and care for them as you would.
DISCIPLINE
Discipline and punishments ultimately lie in the hands of the parent. It is important that you give a caregiver clear expectations for discipline and that your methods and standards be upheld. It is also important that your caregiver feels supported by you when they carry out your directives and discipline as you would have them to. Undermining the authority and autonomy you have given a caregiver will have a negative affect on your child.
Ensure that overtime and extended weeks are agreed upon as even caregivers can become tired and stressed, which even in the most professional individual can compromise the quality of care given to your child.
Name changed on request. Information provided by Dr. Sharon Johnson, family counsellor and director of Help for Parents in Kingston. Email hfp@tropicomltd.com
