Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes, ContributorME DEAR mam, if yu waan tun expert a foreign, one a de easiest ting fe do is tear off de price tag offa yu frack. Get a bligh pon smady TV. An announce to parents das dem fe spen quality time wid dem pickney. Dat way now, de pickney won't hab suh much problem.
Well missis, de other day me deh a foreign an, inna de spirit a dis quality time decide fe play dis game wid me son. Weh yu hab four man inna hell an haffi try move dem ga heaven. An de fuss player weh get all a de man dem a heaven win. Suh me dear mam, as de game start an me see de said principle a de loody weh all a wi as pickney used to siddung pon veranda an play wid we fahda a Friday evening time till night come dung, missis ma, me dis seh fancy eeh? Look how foreign people dis tek weh de lilly game an come nowa come gi expert advice pon quality family time.
Suh anyway, de game wid me an me son start an him win. Wid one heap a noise nayly def me. Like a de game a go now mek him realize seh me a really idiat. Well, kine a little bexish under de quiet, me mek him know seh dis was a game weh me used to. An him a just come. But missis, next game come an him win again. Suh missis, me get bex! Dis like me fahda when me was a pickney. An mek him know straight an plain seh if a so de game a go play, me nuh eena it. Because me neva si de sense why him shoulda gillup roun de board wid one a fe him man.
An kill off de whole a fe me when de unnecessary killing a fe me man coulda well avoid. Suh, wid de quality time a threaten fe mash up, me realize to meself fe de fuss time how fe me pupa used to feel when we use to gi him heaven less. An when him bex bad an want de game start again fe show we seh we a pickney. An pickney nuh suppose fe beat big smady. Much less him. Missis, after him begin insist fe we play again, we dis tell him how we a dead fe sleep. But by de time wi wash wi foot bottom an tun een, a wi dat. Pon one piece a buss laugh an kibba mout under de sheet. Suh missis, when foreigner a come talk bout quality time, praise gad, das a ting weh me grow wid fram me yeye deh a fe me knee. Cause as Friday evening come suh, everyone a wi begin fe listen out fe we fahda ask one a wi fe fine de loody board. Den hear we madda inna de room weh she dis done tek a five. Jerry! Yu gone on again? Yu memba laas week? Yu memba how yu bex till yu jawbone tek yu?
Papa: Miss Celes, go sleep if yaw sleep. Yu cyaan mek commentary an sleep same time. Is either one or de other.
Mama: Nuh tell me foolishness! Yu know yu cyaan tan looses. But every Friday night ya hantaganize me pickney dem wid da strikin loody board! Pickney! Oonooa hear me? Me a oonoo muma! An me gi oonoo permission fe kill any man weh nuh belong to oonoo!
Papa (begin hum same time) Aaaaamaaziing grace! How sweeeeeeeeet dow art! An wid dat, loody board fine an papa issue a next hawda:
Papa: Oonoo look good outta door deh an mek sure seh oonoo either bring stone or bottle stopper come fe use as man. Oonoo hear me? Stone S-T-O-N-E.
Mama: Mek sure tell dem Jerry. For dem is a pickney weh nuh look. But dem betta try look good weh dem a run een ya wid cause a fram mawning de fowl dem leggo outdeh.
Suh missis, a who foreign people a teach bout quality family time?
Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes is Director of Graduate Studies at Norfolk State University in Virginia.
