The heat is on Summer romance: Sex, lies and deception

By Avia Ustanny, Freelance Writer

Members of the Tivoli Dance troupe perform 'Meant To Be' in the recent Jamaica Cultural Development Commission's (JCDC) Dance Competition. - Contributed

So aggressive are the men that she frequently has to beat them off with a stick.

DESIRE packs its bags and arrives, skimpily clothed, on the beaches each summer. In the resorts, on cruises and at other vacation spots, are men and women of all ages who make summer holidays a hunting trip for a new romantic thrill.

"Making new friends when you are travelling alone is much easier than you think," confesses one middle-aged practitioner of the art of holiday love.

"People are curious about the solo traveller and will not hesitate to begin speaking to you. Eye contact with others around you and a simple smile is often all the invitation someone needs to speak with you. An honest curiosity about those around you is often welcome. Sometimes hotel personnel will be happy to introduce you to other travellers.

Jennifer Small,who describes herself as "35 and searching", told Flair that since she has had no luck with the boys, vacations abroad is one happy hunting ground for love that she has under consideration. Even better, she says, are conferences and seminars that roll work and play into one.

Dr. Ruth Doorbar, clinical psychologist, observes that many individuals will fall in love in the summer because "people have extra time. They visit a new place, see new people, and are also in a very relaxed state of mind. With less work, less studying to do, the focus is on having fun and socialising.

"The activities of summer make very fertile ground for socialising," she observes.

"The beach sports, dancing, staying up late and listening to music (because you have no early morning responsibilities), the easy dress - no business suit of uniform, are all inducers and conditioners for romance. Scanty dressing makes you attractive to a romantic partner."

Dr. Doorbar has some advice for those who would dabble in summer romance.

"If one has a serious relationship going on and you go away for the summer you may play around. But, you need to keep it lightweight and not get serious. Remember your responsibilities to your serious relationship. You can have fun and realise it's not forever."

If it is a relationship that you want to take back home with you, there are other considerations. "Should you feel that you have met your significant other in the summertime, and some people do, then remember that things may change when the stresses of school (and) work set in September to June.

"Do not head for a big disappointment. Try to evaluate the effect of the stresses on the relationship before they come, and before you get in too deeply," the psychologist advises.

Do the limitations of a vacation prevent one from taking the plunge though?

"By all means have a summer fling, Dr. Doorbar encourages. "Life is too short to miss out on a new fresh summer romance if it's available. It is likely that there will be no harm done. Romance really always make life sweet, however long it lasts".

Jennifer observes that along with their business suits, men and women pack their bathing duds and other 'romancing necessities' when they attend conferences cum vacation weekends abroad.

"They go with the idea of meeting somebody. They go to get laid. At the last conference I attended, I danced with a minister from Guyana all night. He told me quite explicitly, that he wanted to sleep with me. I was stunned."

So aggressive are the men that she frequently has to beat them off with a stick, metaphorically speaking.

"There are a lot of lonely single men who you can meet at these conferences and conventions especially if you are attractive and flamboyant."

SOME WOMEN FANTASISE ABOUT OTHER WOMEN, OR ORGIES

The objective is not always to find a stable mate or life partner either. "There are some women, two or three I know, who are quite adventurous and have fantasies about meeting other women. They are not lifestyle lesbians, but they will have this sort of relationship abroad while on vacation or away at a seminar. They also fantasise about orgies.

Small says her goal is to find an anchoring, long-term relationship. "One does not know where one will meet a mate. Not every other person is a pervert. You just have to be open minded about people," she said.

WHEN THE CAT IS AWAY...

White sand beaches are not the only stage for action in summer's heat. Really, when the cat's away the mice will play anywhere. Some men and women use the opportunity when their spouse is away to carry out their own summer romance. Others, while pursuing summer courses on campus, add romance to their curriculum.

Grace-Ann Powella 28-year-old professional said she fell for the summer romance bug one summer when her mother and brothers were away. She had just started a new job, she says. "I was sitting alone at nights watching TV. I was terribly lonely," she remembers.

"I met this taxi driver, who started paying special attention to me. I mean, those where the days when there were 10 people or more trying to get into every car, and he would make a special effort to see that I got home early. My waiting time - usually an average of three hours - was cut to about zilch.

"I don't remember how he got my number," Grace-Ann says.

That detail escapes her now. But, soon the sound of the TV at nights was joined by the ringing of the phone. First came the chat up, then the special rides, then the free rides. "He said his wife had left him alone with his two boys. There is nothing so pitiful as a man left alone with children. She spent the summer with him. The only hours spend apart was the time she spent at work.

According to her, when she found out that his wife was only gone to school, she broke away from him. "I was not interested. There was no future with him."

Names changed as requested.

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