The meaning of smart

Tony Deyal

Along the island chain of the Caribbean Sea, Trinidadians are known as Tricky-dadians. Many think of this country as a land of scams and scamps, people who leave in their wake tales of woe and unpaid bills.

It is possible that this title bestowed upon us by our Regional Brethren is more than a bad pun or cheap shot.

When I was very young I remember Lord Christo singing about an insurance fraud perpetrated by a couple named Jonathan and Lillian. The chorus of the song is particularly memorable, "Doctor say you dead, Jonathan/ Please close your eye Jonathan." In describing Jonathan, Christo used the word smart. Jonathan was a smart man. This use of the word smart is particularly interesting.

While smart can mean feeling pain or distress, or bright and fresh in appearance, or even conspicuous in society, in Trinidad it means selfishly clever to the verge of dishonesty. It is more than ingenious or keen in bargaining or even ready and intelligent. It is quick to take advantage of.

The name Valmond Jones is legendary in Trinidad. He was the promoter of a concert, featuring the famous American entertainer Sam Cooke. Mr. Cooke knew nothing about the planned concert and had no intention of coming to Trinidad. Mr. Jones had no intention of remaining in Trinidad. He left hurriedly for Mr. Cooke's homeland with the proceeds from the sale of thousands of tickets. The police were never able to keep up with, far less capture, Mr. Jones. They have also been as successful in many other cases where the culprits, although more prosperous than Mr. Jones, were less notorious. These include Dr. John Bury Ou Wai, who is in Panama, and his deceased cohorts, Mr. John O'Halloran and Mr. Francis Prevatt, both former Ministers of Government. Recently, there have been a number of claimants and aspirants to Mr. Jones' pre-eminence in smartness, from persons who engineered an Indian rice deal, to those arranging an American oil contract. In addition, persons operating one of the semi-autonomous regional health organisations are accused of putting personal wealth before public health.

It is in this context that I view the arrival in Trinidad of a company named Price Smart. Having made a reputation for itself for providing value for money in the United States, it has come to Trinidad and seems to have fallen victim to the local definition of the Smart in its name. Last year, when Price Smart opened for business in Trinidad, it offered membership at a cost of $150. This year, the price has gone up. Membership is now $180, but you get a rebate in the form of a coupon for $30. The $30 might be worth about $20 given the company's overheads and mark-ups.

This particular form of smartness might be considered good marketing. However, I prefer to see it in the same light as an anonymous Barbadian caller who told a radio talk show that the imposition of Value Added Tax (VAT) on foodstuffs, and then its repeal one year later, was not a matter for which the Government should be congratulated.

It is like complimenting a man because he stop beating his wife, the caller said.

What I found even more interesting is that when I went to renew my membership, my Price Smart identification card, which allows me access and the right to purchase Price Smart items, was not good enough for Price Smart. I was asked to produce a driver's permit or other proof of identification.

Clearly it was not one of those smart cards one reads about, or even a very smart move. Trinidadians and Americans are not the only smart people around. Australian Police have been unable to recommend prosecution for a scam in which a company took out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard-core pornographic videos.

As their prices seemed reasonable, people placed orders and sent payments by cheque. After several weeks, the company wrote back explaining that under the present law they were unable to supply the materials as they did not wish to be prosecuted. They then returned their customers money in the form of company cheques.

However, due to the name of the company, few people presented these cheques to their banks. The name of the company is The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company.

In Italy, a scam netted more than $6 million. According to the Italian police, a company advertised a trip to Mars, and lured travellers with the promise of the splendours of ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets.

Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available. More than 6000 people wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 each for the trip. Although they admit that they were taken for a ride, they are still smarting from the experience.

Tony Deyal was last seen at Price Smart looking for Valmond Jones and waiting to book his trip to Mars. He took along his passport as identification.

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